Tis the season my friends! So, do I start with a Christmas joke or a political one? Well, you all know that almost no one attended Trump’s tree lighting ceremony. They were terrified that there might be mistletoe there! One more? Yep! Republicans somehow found a way to give a grant and permanent tax cut to corporations like Apple, General Electric and Goldman Sachs, saving these big businesses tens of billions in $$$$. OK, now you are not laughing! Try this next one for a holiday LOL …
Dear Diet, It’s not me, it’s you! I just don’t think it’s going to work out between us. You are boring, tasteless and I can’t stop cheating on you!
A little boy excited about his part in the Christmas play came home and said, “Wow, I got a part in the Christmas play!” “What part?” asked his mother. “I’m one of the three wise guys!” was the reply.
A rabbi, a priest and a reverend walk into a bar. (You know what folks, I’m tired of this old joke … you finish it!
Just to remind you all, there’s nothing like the Christmas season to put a bounce in your checks! (Soooooo bad!)
A friend of mine was away all weekend at a physician’s conference. During a break, she decided to call home collect. Her six-year-old son picked up the phone and heard a stranger’s voice say, “We have Marcia on the line. Will you accept the charges?” Frantic, he dropped the receiver and came charging outside, screaming at his father, “Dad! They’ve got Mom and they want money!”
An older man’s three-year-old grandson sat in the bathroom with him as he got ready for bed. He watched him remove his dentures and brush them. After a few minutes he asked, “Can you take your ears off too?”
A man was holding his cell phone as he drove out of the parking lot. A police car beeped him so he pulled over. As the officer started to write a ticket, the man loudly said, “You can’t fine me for talking on the mobile phone while driving! It’s my wife. I was only listening!”
Two painters are working at a wealthy man’s home. One approaches the other to ask if it’s not time for lunch. The other man asks, “Have you finished painting the porch?” “Yes,” he replies, “but it’s not a Porsche, it’s a BMW!” Next is probably not the same man, but maybe his brother.
This is a good reason why men are not allowed to take messages … On a piece of paper his wife finds the following: “Someone from Gyne Colleges called and said the Pabst beer is normal. I didn’t even know you liked beer!”
At an Irish wedding reception recently, someone yelled, “All married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living!” The bartender was nearly crushed to death! Yep, naughty, naughty!
An older man is driving on a very busy street when he is pulled over by a policeman. The cop tries to be kind when seeing how old the man is. Surprised that the man still has a driver’s license, he asks, “Sir, I have followed you for almost 20 minutes and you have yet to use a proper turn signal.” The old man replies, “I never use turn signals! It’s nobody else’s business where I am going!”
And to close from Parker Ranch … A man answered a knock on his door to find an electric company worker standing there, who then handed him a piece of paper that stated the company needed to run a power line through his pasture. The man said, “No way!” “Legally that paper says we can!” replied the worker. As the worker turned to join his co-workers in the field, the man went to his barn and turned his biggest bull loose into the pasture. As the bull ran toward the workers in the field, the owner hollered, “Show him your paper!”
We are pau for the day folks. Hope you are feeling better and ready to decorate with joy! Aloha … be well … a hui hou.