Aloha friends and happy holidaze! This will be a short column today, as you all will be doing the shopping you’ve been putting off and will not have time to read. But after looking at your checkbook and worn out credit cards, it’s time to relax and have a few laughs.
Christmas Eve St. Peter welcomed three newly deceased men to the gates of Heaven. He said to them, “Christmas is a special time here in heaven!” You each have to show something that symbolizes the season in order to get in.” The first guy dug in his pocket and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on and said,
”This represents a Christmas candle!” Peter said, “You may come in!” The second guy pulled out some keys, shook them so they jingled and he said, “It’s like the sleigh bells!” St Peter said, ”You too may come in.” The third guy was at a loss but finally produced a woman’s bra. St Peter gazed at him suspiciously and said, ”And what does that have to do with Christmas?” The man said, “This is Carol’s!”
And for an oldie that still makes us all laugh: The Supreme Court ruled against having a nativity scene in Washington, DC. This was not for religious reasons. They just couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin!
A friend of mine from Calgary, Canada remarked that it is odd that Americans have to buy Christmas trees. In Canada we just decorate one of the pine trees growing in the living room!
Old stories from my ER days … An octogenarian patient once told me, ”My doctor said I should get more exercise, so I took up falling. Of course he then laughed, as did all of us taking care of him!”
A lady remarked to her friend one day after a bad experience, “I’m done with dating sites. I’m now focusing on pizza delivery guys because at least I know they have a job, a car and a pizza!”
A very clever mother wrote “hangover” on her son’s absence note just to see if anyone actually reads those things! What do you think?
Time to close so you all can hurry off to do all the shopping you’ve been putting off. But first a couple “one-liners” … I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts! … If you don’t read the newspaper, you are uninformed. But if you read the newspaper, you are misinformed! … And one of my favorite from my favorite accountant: The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves skin!
Happy holidaze my friends, and remember it tis the season of giving, so give from your heart to those in need. Be well … aloha … a hui hou!