Aloha all. Be happy, don’t worry! Yes, easy to say, but with all that has been happening we definitely need some “belly-cramping” laughter!
Let’s start with something current … How many roads must a man walk down before they call him a man? Well, it all depends on whether he stops to ask for directions! (Now be honest, who did you think of?)
Top causes for divorce: 4) Money, 3) Infidelity, 2) Lack of intimacy, and the grand winner, 1) Phone charger hoggery!
One of my father’s favorite sayings is “There’s no use crying over spilled milk. But in our day, we didn’t have skim milk. In this day and age, skim milk is watery enough without you sobbing into it! (Now that’s a “yuk”)
You know how I love to share joke history with y’all, so here are some glorious insults from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words: “He had delusions of adequacy.” Walter Kerr … “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire!” W. Churchill … “I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here!” S. Bishop … “He is a self-made man and worships his creator!” John Bright … “He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends!” Oscar Wilde … “He is simply a shiver looking for spine to run up!” Paul Keating … “His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork!” Mae West … and the grand finale: “Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others, whenever they go!” Oscar Wilde.
For all we senior citizens: An elderly couple was celebrating their 60th anniversary. They had married as childhood sweethearts and moved back into their old neighborhood. They decided take a visit to their old school where they found the desk where Jerry had carved “I love you, Sally!” On their way home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car practically landing at their feet. At home the wife counted the money: $50,000! The man said, “We must give it back!” The wife replied, “Finders keepers!” and put the bag in their attic. The next day two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood and asked the couple if they had found a bag of money that fell out of an armored car yesterday. Sally said, “No.” The husband said, “She’s lying. She hid it in the attic.” Sally quickly responded, “Don’t believe him, he’s getting senile!” The agent turned to the husband and began to question him. One said, ”OK, tell us the story from the beginning!” He said, ”Well, Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday.” The first police officer turned to the other and said, “We’re outta here!”
A family of skunks went for their morning walk. They came to a fork in the road. The daddy skunk said, “My instinct tells me to take the left fork.” The momma skunk said, “My instinct tells me to take the right fork.” The baby skunk pondered a moment and said, “My end stinks too, but I still don’t know which road to take!”
OK my friends, dats it for the day! But just to let you know, my current life goal is: “To be as good a person as my dog already thinks I am!” Be well … Be happy … Don’t worry! Aloha, a hui hou.