KAILUA-KONA — Renee Ebanies was raped by her father when she was 12 years old.
“My dad molested me — I knew it was wrong,” the Hilo woman said Thursday. “He then forced me to have sex with him. I asked him to stop and he didn’t.”
At 15 years old, Ebanies became pregnant with his child.
“My dad said to tell the doctor, ‘you don’t know who the father is,’” she recalled.
Ebanies remembered following his instructions. After giving birth, she was forced to give her child up for adoption.
Ebanies didn’t tell anyone about the abuse while it was happening.
“I thought my family would hate me,” she said.
Ebanies added that her father told her she’d be breaking up the family if she talked about what he was doing to her.
The same year she got pregnant was also the year she went to live with her grandparents. Soon after, she started counseling.
In the wake of Start by Believing Day, Ebanies said it’s important that victims talk about their abuse and that people listen.
“If you don’t tell somebody, you’ll be invisible for the rest of your life,” she said.
The first Wednesday in April is dedicated to the global mission of transforming the way people respond to sexual assault. It was created by End Violence Against Women International, America’s leading nonprofit organization dedicated to improving criminal justice responses to sexual assault.
On Wednesday, Mayor Harry Kim proclaimed April 4, 2018, as Start by Believing Day. The proclamation was supported by Hawaii County Police Department and Hawaii County Prosecutor’s Office.
“Victims can be so dissuaded by talking about what’s happened to them by the actions of others,” said Kathleen McGilvray, YWCA CEO of Hawaii Island. “(With this campaign) We’re immediately supporting. And that is a great step toward recovery.”
McGilvray said there are various reasons why people don’t believe victims.
“We don’t want to believe these horrible things can happen to people,” she said. “We want to think that we’re safe from it. But this is a crime that cuts across socioeconomics and every racial demographic.”
The YWCA opens about 300 sex assault cases each year on the Big Island and performs more than 50 forensic examinations after a reported attack. McGilvray said 50 percent of the victims are children.
McGilvray said nothing comes close to taking someone’s personal dignity and violating their body.
“As a victim, they question what they could’ve done differently,” she said. “When we start by believing, we let people know that this isn’t their crime.”
On Wednesday, several people took the pledge to start believing after the Kona Crime Prevention Committee’s Police Officer of the Month luncheon at Huggo’s in Kailua-Kona. First Deputy Prosecutor Dale Ross, guest speaker at the event, read the mayor’s proclamation.
During her speech, Ross announced candidly that she was going to talk about sexual assault.
“When victims have support they can go through the criminal justice system,” she said.
Within the prosecutor’s office is the specialized sexual assault unit, which handles all sexual assault cases in the county. In January and February of this year, the unit has taken on 25 cases of sexual assault. Nine offenders have been prosecuted.
“We need participating victims where we can bring in sexual predators to answer for their crimes,” Ross said.
While the campaign was introduced to the Big Island in 2015, Ross said no one really kept up the yearly campaign push to take the pledge. It was during a training that she was reminded again why it was so important.
“I’m asking all of you to make a pledge that if someone comes to you about sexual assault, you respond: ‘I’m listening and I’m here to help you,’” Ross said to those at the luncheon.
Despite the trauma of her past, Ebanies wants to be there for kids who have also experienced the nightmare of abuse.
“I want to tell them that they’re not alone,” she said.
Ebanies reiterated the importance of believing a victim of sexual assault.
“They need to hear you believe them because they’ll turn to drugs, they’ll become suicidal,” she said. “You need to hear them out.”
Ebanies’ father ended up paying for his crimes and was convicted on several counts of sexual assault. He was sentenced to 10 years of prison. He died while incarcerated in 2005 of natural causes.
Individuals across the island are encouraged to take the pledge and share a photo of themselves holding the Start By Believing placard with their friends and family. Materials are available at the Hilo and Kona Offices of the Prosecuting Attorney, as well as at several upcoming events during National Crime Victims’ Week, which runs Sunday through April 14.
Info: www.startbybelieving.org.
This newspaper correctly reported and opposed in 2006 when the same Mayor Kim gave a high paying county planning job to William K Childs. A convicted rapist and officially registered sexual predator of his own adopted child! While Mr Childs did his little time as ‘house arrest’ over the weekends, Mayor Kim saw nothing wrong in his decision. This mayor gives lip service here but had sent a much louder message to the world in 2006 that such crimes are nothing to worry about on our island.