I’ve been sending anonymous op-ed pieces to The New York Times for my entire life, and none of them has been published. I decided that this would be the right time to get them into print under my own name. I’ve chosen only the most significant and provocative sections and believe that others will recognize the guts, grit and gravitas behind my willingness to come forward at this moment in history.
Excerpt from a piece written, in utero, in December of 1956, approximately three weeks before my birth: “I am facing a test unlike any other faced by a nearly born modern person. It’s not just that the emergence from my mother’s womb looms large, or that I am bitterly divided over the prospect of my own independence vs. the fact that of all my current needs are being met by my host parent. The dilemma — which outsiders do not fully grasp — is that it’s really, really comfortable here. To be forced into a world that will demand I choose an identity, where I will be confronted by people who make impulsive decisions — some ill-formed and reckless — is daunting. During the months of my tenure within the confines of what some might consider the steadiest and deepest of deep-states, I have learned the most effective modifications for my own position but no longer trust those on the other side. I hope that The New York Times will publish my words but without my name, because I don’t have one yet.”
Excerpt from a piece written in June of 1958, during the tumultuous time of what elites contemptuously and dismissively referred to as potty training: “There has been much discussion lately concerning the horrors and treachery of my so-called ‘leaking.’ The whispers I increasingly hear from those who have forgotten the intricate complexities of the world I inhabit — and which, I must remind you, all of us have once inhabited — say that this process needs to be stripped of the false civility and sentimentality surrounding these troubled times. I am not leaking and nor am I withholding, but I am instead reluctant to be sanctioned and boxed into what senior members of management label conventionally acceptable behavior. The autocrats and dictators who insist that certain acts are permissible on a schedule controlled, apparently, by their whims, is frustrating at best. Indeed, I have gone through great lengths to keep any mishaps on my part contained, although these attempts are clearly not always successful. I hope that The New York Times will publish my words but without my name, since I don’t want to lord it over my peers that, despite setbacks, I am better at controlling things than others are at this age.”
Excerpt from a piece written in October of 1963, during my second month of kindergarten: “Imperious, adversarial, petty and ineffective, my colleagues and I spend much of our time privately admitting our disbelief at the anti-democratic and erratic leadership style demonstrated by the duly-appointed teacher, who seems not to be moored to any discernible first principles. Don’t get me wrong. There are bright spots in the near-ceaseless tedium of the classroom. There is finger painting. There is lunch. There is reading of The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Economist and, on Fridays, “Pat The Bunny.” The problem with our teacher is that she thinks we’re idiots and yet we must appear to accept the role of subordinates even though we, for example, know how to pronounce hard words such as “purple,” “spaghetti” and “anonymous” when she does not. We have vowed to do what we can to preserve our integrity as members of the kindergarten despite our teacher’s more misguided impulses until class is over. I hope that The New York Times will publish my words but without my name, since I do not want my advancement to the first grade in any way jeopardized by what I know many will consider the heroic bravery of my candid disclosure.”
Excerpt from a piece written in September of 2018, after reading “I Am Part of the Resistance” in The New York Times: “Dear New York Times: You are better than this. Sincerely, Gina Barreca.”
Gina Barreca is a board of trustees distinguished professor of English literature at University of Connecticut and the author of 10 books. She can be reached at www.ginabarreca.com.
