Should she tell friend her brother raped her?

Dear Annie: This past year, an old high school friend looked me up after nearly 30 years. She was in town to visit her dying father.

Our youthful parting had been quite unpleasant. She called to apologize for anything she had done to offend me in the past, which is commendable, especially because she has little memory of those years. She was an abused child.

I didn’t tell her one of her brothers raped me when we were teens. I figured she’d had enough trauma in her life, plus she was dealing with her dad dying. At one point, I came face to face with my rapist and realized I was no longer afraid of him, and that the past had no power over me. I felt I had no need to confront him or tell his sister. Instead, I reached out and shook his hand. Watching him squirm was enough for me.

However, in hindsight, I wonder whether I did the right thing by keeping this a secret from my friend. When she called, she seemed to be fishing for information, but I decided this particular piece would be too much for her to handle. Should I have told her? — Silent Friend

Dear Friend: We are impressed with how well you’ve gotten over a horrific, traumatizing event. If you believe the brother is capable of harming another person, we hope you will report him, not only to your friend, but to the authorities, even at this late date. Your friend’s fishing expedition may have been for other reasons, but if she was an abused child, it’s quite possible the brother also attacked her and she was searching for corroborating evidence from you. There is no “right” or “wrong” in terms of telling her. Do what gives you peace of mind.

Dear Annie: My in-laws think it’s OK to share everything we tell them with other people. We’ve asked them several times to please stop, but they don’t. It hurts that they sacrifice family for the quick thrill of gossip. Would you please run the poem about gossip again? Maybe it will have an impact. — Hurt by Gossip

Dear Hurt: Sharing family secrets is less about gossip than about having big mouths, but the poem bears repeating nonetheless. Here it is:

Remember Me?

(author unknown)

My name is Gossip. I have no respect for justice. I maim without killing. I break hearts and ruin lives.

I am cunning, malicious and gather strength with age. The more I am quoted, the more I am believed.

I flourish at every level of society. My victims are helpless. They cannot protect themselves against me because I have no name and no face. To track me down is impossible. The harder you try, the more elusive I become.

I am nobody’s friend. Once I tarnish a reputation, it is never the same.

I topple governments and wreck marriages. I ruin careers and cause sleepless nights, heartache and indigestion. I make innocent people cry in their pillows. Even my name hisses.

I am called Gossip. Office gossip. Shop gossip. Party gossip. Telephone gossip. I make headlines and headaches. Before you repeat a story, ask yourself, is it true? Is it fair? Is it necessary? If not — DON’T REPEAT IT.

Dear Annie: I greatly appreciate your column, but I am disheartened to see the many letters where children are used as instruments against other family members. It saddens me to read that grandchildren are not permitted to see their grandparents, or aunts and uncles can’t see nieces and nephews over things that seem so trivial. But your constant message to “take the high road” is refreshing in a world where that sentiment seems to be lost.

Your column reminds me daily of how blessed I am to live within a loving family, immediate and extended, and I count those blessings daily. — Grateful in Mercer, Penn.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2012 CREATORS.COM