Dear Annie: My fiance and I cut corners for four years so we could have a nice wedding. We didn’t ask either set of parents for money, and they didn’t offer. We’re footing the entire bill, including the formal wear for the attendants.
The problem is my 34-year-old socially awkward sister, “Allie.” Allie was hospitalized 20 years ago when she was brutally beaten by some older teenagers. She never received psychological help. My mother pays Allie’s rent and all of her bills. Family vacations have been canceled to keep Allie comfortable. My parents missed my college graduation because Allie was nervous about fitting into the airline seat.
If I outperformed her academically, my parents asked me to downplay my success so Allie wouldn’t feel bad. When I got engaged, my mother asked me to skip the engagement party and shower because those things “make Allie anxious.”
I lost 190 pounds for health reasons. Allie makes nasty comments, saying I’m only having a wedding to show off my new body. I bent over backward to find Allie a flattering plus-size maid-of-honor dress and was so thrilled when she finally found one she liked that I bought it for her, even though it was twice the cost of my wedding dress. Now she’s decided she hates the dress, and she told the entire bridal party I’m a Bridezilla, while I’m stressing myself out to make sure she feels comfortable.
Allie has picked fights with my new in-laws and caused two bridesmaids to back out of the wedding. Last week, my mother bawled me out for being “domineering” and said I should “consider Allie’s feelings.”
Annie, I have been considering Allie’s feelings since I was 10. My heart breaks for what happened to Allie, but can’t I have just one day where people are thinking about me? I’ve suggested family counseling, but they refuse to go. How do I make my parents realize I’m not the bad guy? — Normal Sister
Dear Normal: It is not too late for Allie to get psychological help, and she could surely use it. Your parents are doing her no favors by coddling her into total dependence out of guilt and sympathy. This encourages her to remain a victim of her past. Other than canceling the entire wedding, you will never please them, so stop bending over backward. Express sympathy and then ignore their demands.
Dear Annie: My wife and I just celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. We have two beautiful boys. We’ve known each other since we were teenagers.
I find myself thinking about what type of husband and father I have been. I am a police officer, and with this career comes a list of special stressors. I know I never have been as romantic as my wife would like.
My wife does the majority of housework, laundry and child rearing. While I play with my boys, my wife is doing housework. When I tuck the boys into bed, she is doing the laundry or making lunches for kids.
Even though I am not outwardly as affectionate as I should be, not a minute passes without my wanting my wife and kids to be happy, healthy and safe. My wife has put up with all of my shortcomings and the stress I have surely put on her. I just wanted the chance to say that even though it may look like I don’t notice everything she does, I do. I appreciate the love she gives me, even when my hard-nosed attitude makes her ill. Happy anniversary, Charlotte, and I promise to try to be more if you promise to stick around for the rest of my life. — Empty Head, Full Heart
Dear Husband: You sound like a keeper. Happy anniversary.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit creators.com.
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