WHT editorial: Ironman therapy, free of charge

Relax, it’s almost over.

Soon, West Hawaii residents will be able to exhale and feel the tensions that have been clawing the soul dip below the horizon like a Kailua-Kona sunset. Oh, so soon, those who call this place home — at least some of the time — can go back to a life of watching our sunsets in sweet, tranquil peace.


But Saturday is still a day away, and our beautiful, uncluttered streets are getting narrower by the bicycle.

Roads are made for cars, everyone agrees.

Alas, because aloha means rolling out the red carpet for visitors who don’t call this island home, not even partially (not even, like, extended vacations) we must share them — even though multiple studies have proven that’s annoying.

Today is Friday. If you haven’t blown your top, here are a few simple practices to carry you until Sunday. Remember, Sunday everything is normal again.

Actually, if you’re reading this in print, clip this out and tape it to your refrigerator because next year will roll around and you’ll be just as agitated even though you’ve been through this before and didn’t plan around congestion in the slightest and really, what’s congestion, 15 or 20 extra minutes on a commute? Really? OK, fine, we’ll give you an extra 25 minutes.

Can you imagine that complaint to a New Yorker? Yes, we know we’re not the mainland but we also find it funny that you compare Hawaii to the mainland when it augments your argument but shake your fist in disgust when the same reasoning is used when it doesn’t.

Please close your eyes while you idle in traffic and let that hypocrisy settle while you gently inhale, 1 … 2 … 3 and exhale, 1 … 2 … 3.

See? Meditation is calming when in stressful situations so it’s a good thing you began practicing after your friend told you about it after you moved here.

To be fair, the thing about 25 minutes is that it’s actually a long time when you don’t want it to be. We grant you that. That is a very strong part of your argument.

But as you breathe gently, take hold of the rear view mirror and tilt it toward you so you can look into your own eyes and tell yourself honestly that you don’t really have anywhere important to be, anyway.

If it was truly important you’d have adjusted your schedule accordingly because those are the major sacrifices people make when they consider something important, like attending art walks on time or getting to a farmers market.

Yes, that’s true, too, work is decently important, and it’s important not to be late. We’re not saying your argument is completely nil; there are valid points. But you don’t want to be at work anyway, nor does the afternoon yoga class care if you show up. Be sure to text the instructor and let him or her know you’re meditating in the car and that’s like mental yoga. Tell the instructor who is sending the text because he or she never saved your number.

OK, traffic is moving again. Yes, slowly, but it’s moving. Feel better? Breathing helps, plus, at this rate, we’re going to come in well under that 25 minute mark. We told you it was more like 18 minutes. Really, we’re talking about three missed cycles on one traffic light, aren’t we? Oh good golly, you’re letting your nerves fray over three missed traffic lights? It’s time to grab that mirror again and ask your eyes — what’s really eating at you?

Nobody is lying on a therapist’s couch here, but if we deep dive on this one, it’s bound to get uncomfortable for both of us, so we’ll just move on and ask you to reflect on this when you get a moment to yourself, like when you’re waiting in your car later this afternoon.

One last piece of heavenly advice: try and make lemons out of lemonade. Enjoy the moment.

Motivational speakers have earned millions repeating that simple instruction and we’re giving it to you for free. Take it all in. Enjoy. Remember, there are people in New York who have to sit in traffic for like an hour and sometimes it rains or snows there. We’ve heard it’s even rained and snowed there at the same time before. Enjoy the fruits of life. Watch in appreciation the beautiful figures whiz by. People love beautiful people, it’s a fact. It’s why Hollywood is the capital of the United States.

Nevertheless, you’re right, in small part, that athletes in training this week can be a little annoying.

OK, fine, more than a little. Hey, we never said your argument was completely flawed.