Good day my friends … and let’s get started with some “one liners” …
** How many lips does a flower have? … tu-lips!
** What do you call a sleeping bull? … a bulldozer!
** Why couldn’t the pirate learn the alphabet? … he was always lost at ‘C’!!
** Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? … too many cheetahs!
** When does a duck wake up? … at the quack of dawn!! … ?? One more??
** Why can’t you trust the Jungle King? … because he’s always lion!!
Sitting on the highway catching speeding drivers, a state police officer sees a car going only 22 mph. He pulls the car over and says to the lady, “Ma’am, going too slow is very dangerous!” There are five elderly woman in the car, two in front and three in the back. The driver quickly responded that she was going exactly the speed limit, 22mph! He contained a chuckle then said, “22” was the route number not the speed limit! She thanked him and got ready to leave when he said, “Are these three women in the back seat OK?? They seem shaken and have not said a word. The driver responds, “oh they’ll be OK in a minute. You see, we just got off Route 119!
An elderly man in Australia owns a large farm. He has a large pond at the back that is properly shaped for swimming so he added picnic tables and some fruit trees. One evening he decided to go down to the pond and just check it out. He grabbed a bucket to bring back some fruit that should be ripening.As he neared the pond he heard voices laughing and shouting. As he came closer, he saw a bunch of young women skinny dipping in the pond! He made the women aware of his presence and they all swam to the deep end. One women shouted, “we’re not coming out until you leave!” The man frowned and said, “I did not come down here to watch you ladies swim with no swim suits on or to make you get out naked.” Holding the bucket up he said, “I’m here to feed the alligator!” … A few more “shorties,” then pau!
I got called “pretty” today! Well, actually the full statement was “you’re pretty annoying!” But I only focus on positive things!
** If you weigh 200 pounds on Earth, you’ll only be 76 pounds on Mars. You’re not overweight, you’re just not on the right planet!
** I think senility is going to be a fairly smooth transition for me. How about you?
** and the Grande of All … At a party, one man asked a friend he had not seen for some time: “So Bill, I wonder now that you’re retired what do you do?” Bill responded loud enough for the entire crowd to hear: “Well, I’m fortunate to have a chemical engineering background and one of the things I enjoy most is converting coffee, beer and wine into urine. I do it every day and I really enjoy i!!
And to close with a strong belief I have … I believe we should all pay our taxes with a smile. I tried, but they wanted cash! DARN!
Aloha gang … help others … care for your family! A hui hou