Now that all you parents and grandparents have arranged for updates on vaccinations for da kids, I celebrate with this week’s LOLs — Let’s LOL!
• My friend had to have his garage door repaired. The repairman told him one of the problems was that he did not have a large enough motor on the opener. He thought for a minute, told the repairmen that he had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. The man shook his head and said, “You need a 1/4 horsepower!” My friend responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and the repairman said: “Noooo, it’s not! Four is larger than two!!” So, my friend never used that repairman again from Honokaa.
Now, I am really in trouble…Yes?
• When I lived in Texas it was a semi-rural area. A new neighbor called the county office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason my neighbor gave: “Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.”
• I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when the man checking our line asked me, “Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?” To which I replied: “If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?” He smiled knowingly and nodded: “That’s why we ask.”
A minister friend who frequently comments on my column, sent me this great one:
• Muslims don’t recognize Jews as God’s chosen people. Jews don’t recognize Jesus as the Messiah. Protestants don’t recognize the Pope as the elder of the Christian world. Baptists don’t recognize each other at Hooters!
Now for some one-liners about ‘Finding a Job’
• At my first job I was working in a orange juice factory. But I got canned. I just couldn’t concentrate!
• Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack. But I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the ax!
• Next I tried working at Starbucks. But I had to quit because I got tired of the same old grind!
• Next, I tried working in a deli. But anyway I sliced it, I just couldn’t cut the mustard.
• So, after that I got a job at a workout center. But they said I wasn’t fit for the job.
• I studied for a long time to become a doctor. But I didn’t have any patience.
• My last job was when I tried working in a muffler factory. But that was just too exhausting! SO, I TRIED RETIREMENT! I found I am PERFECT for the job! Wanna join me?
And now to close with a few ‘iffy’:
• Man to woman working in small cafe: “That’s a really sparkling smile you’ve got there.” She responds: “Yes, I put my teeth through our dishwasher this morning!”
(one more naughty?)
• You never appreciate what you have till it’s all gone. Toilet paper is one of the best examples.
And to close, my friends: Silence is GOLDEN! Duck tape is SILVER! Have a great week. Aloha, a hui hou.
