Island Life 04-29-19

The most difficult thing in writing this weekly article is where to begin. Well, Doc, just start typing some quick LOLs and we’re on our way!

Bumper stickers:

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• Adults On Board…We Want To Live Too.

• Sorry For Driving So Close In Front Of You!

• Stupidity Isn’t A Handicap..Park Somewhere Else!

• I Brake For Bacon Wrapped Hotdogs.

…and da grande finale:

• Marriage Is Grand! Divorce Is 100 Grand!

Two elderly men were sitting beside each other in a barbershop venting their frustrations about the woes of modern technology. “I just can’t ever seem to remember my passwords,” grumbled one.

The other man smiled. “Oh really? I can never forget mine!”

“How do you manage that?” asked the first guy curiously.

“Well, I simply set all my passwords to ‘incorrect’ so that whenever I’m told that my password is incorrect, I’ll remember it.”

Two other elderly men were sitting beside each other in a barbershop. One said to the other, “Now that you’re turning 80, how do you honestly feel?”

“Honestly? Like a newborn baby!”

“How’s that?” his friend responded.

“Well, I’ve got no teeth, no hair and I can’t stop wetting myself!” Yep, my friends, this growing old sucks!

Want to live forever? Choose one of these professions:

• Old bankers never die, they just lose their interest.

• Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.

• Old chauffeurs never die, they just lose their drive.

• Old actors never die, they just drop apart…..and da grande finale…

• Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver.

From my favorite stage-lady, Bette Midler: “A woman in Japan ate 300 bowls of noodles in 17 minutes. You will never see anyone trying this with matzo-ball soup because my people know that no prize is worth that kind of constipation.” …Yep, da Bette is a very funny woman!

Two young brothers were spending the night at their grandparents home. When it was time for bed the two boys knelt down and began to say some prayers. Suddenly the younger brother started yelling loudly: “I pray for a bicycle, a new computer, a trip to Disneyland!”

The older brother leaned over and whispered, “There’s no need to shout. God is not deaf!”

“I know” said the younger brother, “but Grandma sure is!”

Time to close my friends….but got to tell you about a new book by Rick Reilly: “Commander In CHEAT.” Need I say more for a great laugh? Or should we be weeping?

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This last is not something I have shared with anyone but y’all — Just before I die, I’m going to swallow a huge bag of popcorn. Yep, my cremation is going to be EPIC!

Be Well, be generous. Aloha, a hui hou.

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