After such a party-filled Fourth of July, I don’t think I have a whole lot of energy left. But, for all my friends, and, of course, the editor, I best get busy!
Yep, one of my best friends who just happens to be blond, sent me these to start my column this week!
• How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? You knock on the door!
• What do you do if a blond throws a pin at you? RUN! She got a grenade in her other hand!
Yes, OK, I know I’m in trouble, but I promised my friend I would use them to wake you up early!
• Outside a pharmacy, a poor man is clutching on to a pole for dear life. Not breathing, not moving, not twitching a muscle, just standing there, frozen.
The pharmacist asks his assistant, “What’s with that guy out there? Wasn’t he in here earlier?”
The assistant replies, “Yes. He had a very terrible cough and no prescription had helped.”
Pharmacist says, “He seems OK now.”
Assistant replies, “Sure he does! I gave him a box of the strongest laxative on the market. Now, he won’t dare cough!” Familiar?
• A man is getting into the shower just as his wife has finished hers when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs to the door. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she can speak, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel!
After thinking a moment she drops it and stands there naked. After several seconds Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
When she gets back upstairs, her husband asks: “Who was that?”
“It was Bob, our next door neighbor.”
“Great,” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”
Now to share some really fun new words for you to “try on…”
• NonVersation: Another word for small talk, a worthless conversation.
• Hangry: When you’re so hungry it makes you angry or frustrated.
• Frenemy: A person who pretends to be a friend but really is an enemy.
• Carcolepsy: When a passenger falls asleep as soon as the car starts.
• Unkeyboardinated: The inability to type without repeated mistakes.
And my favorite …
• Staycation: When you stay at home for your vacation!
• It was 3 o’clock in the morning, and the receptionist at a posh hotel was just dozing off, when a little old lady came running toward her screaming: “Please come quickly,” she yelled, “I just saw a naked man outside my window!”
The receptionist immediately rushed up to the old lady’s room. “Where is he?” asked the receptionist.
“He’s over there,” replied the little old lady, pointing to an apartment building opposite the hotel.
The receptionist looked over and could see a man with no shirt on, moving around his apartment. “It’s probably a man who’s getting ready to go to bed,” she said reassuringly. “And how do you know he’s naked, you can only see him from the waist up.
“The dresser, honey!” screamed the little old lady. “Try standing on the dresser!”
That’s it for today my friends. Be well, pay it forward, a hui hou.
Shay Bintliff, MD, writes a weekly column, Laughter Therapy, for West Hawaii Today.
