If your kids or grandkids have a smartphone or iPad, read on!
• Two school-age boys are looking at a library book. One says to the other:
“It’s called a book, but I’m not sure where the batteries go!”
Now Mom is in the room, standing over the two of them and says, “Just open the book and read it. You don’t need a password!”
Then one of the boys says back to Mom, “What? No joystick? No mouse? No keyboard? How do you turn the pages?
Yep, folks, pay attention, it’s only getting worse.
But, we adults in this day and age have a couple of questions:
• Q: How do you keep your car from being stolen? A: Buy a standard shift model.
• Q: How do you send a message in code? A: Write in cursive.
This one for we older folks:
Janet was lying in bed one night and Art was falling asleep. But Janet was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.
She said to Art, “You used to hold my hand when we were courting.” Wearily, Art reached across, held her had for a second or two, then tried to get back to sleep.
A few minutes later, she said, “Then you used to kiss me.”
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled back to sleep. Thirty seconds later Janet says, “Then you used to bite my neck.”
Angrily, Art threw back the covers and got up out of bed.
“Where are you going?” Janet asked.
“To get my teeth!” Art said.
Every now and then I spot a license plate on the vehicle in front of me that is unique, creative, or downright funny. Here are some I’ll share:
• Man, obviously speeding, passes me on a rural road: License: IM LATE.
• Very new large Toyota pickup: License: TRUCK.
• Large trailer full of worn out tires: License: TIRED.
• Got cut off one day and as car passed me: License: EXCUZME.
• License plate definitely slanted at about 45 degrees: License: ASKEW.
• On a very, very old car without a back bumper: License: NOBMPR.
• Getting checked for her annual doctor’s visit, my friend was afraid she had gained too much weight. So she was asked to step on the scale, she only put one foot down.
The nurse said to her, “Yeah, I’ve tried that before but it just doesn’t work!”
OK, almost time to close? One more? Something to help you stop a snoring bed partner:
• Three guys are at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with George because he snored so badly. So they voted to take turns sleeping in his tent. First guy comes to breakfast the next morning, his hair a mess and eyes bloodshot. The others ask, “What happened to you?”
He said, “George snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night!”
The next night the second man was in George’s tent, but in the morning, same thing, hair a mess and eyes bloodshot.
Now the third night was Pete’s turn. He was a big, burly retired Navy man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and very rested. “Good morning,” he said.
The other two men couldn’t believe it. They said, “Man, what happened?” He replied, “Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked George into bed, patted him on the butt, kissed him on his cheek and said ‘good night!’ George sat up and watched me all night. I slept fine!”
I think this is a good place to say aloha. Do good deeds, a hui hou.
Shay Bintliff, MD, writes a weekly humor column for West Hawaii Today.
