Aloha folks, just to warn you, da kine is short today. So, save plenty kine time to look in the mirror for da good laughs!
Starting with a few favorite puns:
• I went to a really emotional wedding last week. Even the cake was in tiers!
• Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking outside the box.
• Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I can do it with my eyes closed!
• A lawyer turned cook, is a sue chef!
• What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison!
OK, no way I will end with that pathetic one.
• The stripper was getting tired of the same old thong and dance!
• There once were two very successful thieves. They had a knack for finding unguarded entries into rich houses and so would rob their gold. They both, however, were devout Catholics and knew the 10 Commandments.
So after thinking about the issue, they decided to offer some part of the gold they robbed to the church to wash away their wrong-doings. The first one thinks for a moment then draws a circle on the floor. He lifts his face up and says, “Oh Lord, I’ll show all my loot in the air, and whatever lands in the circle is yours. What little is left outside, I’ll keep.”
So, he throws all the loot in the air and most came down outside the circle. He then collects his share, smiling. The second man steps back and thinks hard. He lets out a deep sigh and says, “Lord, forgive me my sins, I won’t make you pick up your share from the floor like my friend did. I’ll throw you my loots towards you in Heaven. Please keep whatever you want and just throw back on to this Earth whatever you think I deserve.”
(Are you smiling?)
• A lawyer meets with the family of a recently deceased millionaire for the reading of the will. “To my loving wife, Rose, who always stood by me, I leave the house and $2 million”… the attorney reads.
“To my darling daughter, Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave the yacht, the business and $1 million. And finally,” the lawyer concludes, “to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me and thought I would never mention him in my will! Well, you were wrong.
A few favorite signs, to close.
• This is a private sign…do not read!”
• I’m fat, so don’t park close. And have a nice day!
• What if slugs are just going through a divorce? Yep, lost the house!
OK folks, here is my Joe Moore’s last comment of the news: “Did you know? Dr. John Kellogg invented cereal? Google it.”
Aloha, a hui hou.
Shay Bintliff, MD, writes a weekly humor column for West Hawaii Today.