Today is going to be fun for me and I hope for all of you. Now, this really happened. Just so you know that roadside sobriety tests are getting really serious. Last night I was stopped and had to fold a fitted sheet before they would release me. Yep, I did it perfectly!
Senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto! They even have their own vocabulary. Yes, I will share for all you with a few gray hairs:
• BFF: Best Friend Fainted.
• BYOT: Bring your own teeth.
• CBM: Covered by Medicare.
• FOB: Friend on B-Blockers.
• GGPBL: Gotta go. Pacemaker battery low!
One more, Senior?
• Three old guys were out walking. First one said: “Windy, isn’t it?”
Second one said: “No, it’s Thursday.” The third one said: “So am I. Let’s go get a beer. Maybe several, one for each day!”
Now, the best senior!
• Morris, an 82-year-old man went to the doctor to get his annual physical. A few days later, the doctor sees Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. He pulls him over and privately says: “Hey man, you’re really doing great!”
Morris replied: “Just doing what you said, doc. Get a hot mama and be cheerful!”
The doctor says: “I didn’t say that! I said, ‘you’ve got a heart murmur, be careful!’”
• Sometimes you might feel like there’s no one there for you. But there is. Your laundry will always be there, waiting!
• A patient stands on he scale in the doctor’s office. Doctor looks at the scale, then says to the patient: “It seems your weight is perfect! You just happen to be 3 feet too short!”
• A police recruit was asked during an exam: “What would you do if you had to arrest your mother?”
His reply: “Call for backup!”
• A strong young man at a construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special effort to make fun one of the older workmen. Very soon, the older worker had enough.
“Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is,” he said. “I will bet you a week’s wages that I can haul something in that wheelbarrow over to that building that you won’t be able to wheel back.”
“You’re on, old man!” the braggart replied. “Let’s see you do it!”
The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then nodding to the young man he said: “All right dumb _ _ _, get in!”
I know you all love the one-liners, so here are a few to close for da day!
• Having one child makes you a parent. Having two, you are a referee!
• I believe we should all pay our taxes with a smile. I tried several times but they insisted on cash!
• Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
And to close with two of my favorites …
• Those who can’t laugh at themselves, leave the job to others.
• Bad politicians are elected by good citizens who do not vote! Foh sure!
Be well, help others, say nice things about friends.
Aloha, a hui hou.
Shay Bintliff, MD, writes a weekly humor column for West Hawaii Today.