Let’s begin with a “gotcha joke.”
• A young rabbi was an avid golfer. Even on Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the year, he snuck out by himself for a quick nine holes. On the last hole, a par 3, he teed off, landed on the green, and then a gust of wind blew his ball over the hole and it dropped in for a hole in one! An angel who witnessed this complained to God, “This guy is playing golf on Yom Kippur, and you let him get a hole in one? This is a punishment?
“Of course it is,” said the Lord smiling, “Who can he tell?”
• How many New Agers does it take to change a light bulb? None! They just start a “Coping with Darkness” support group.
• A man walks into a bank and says he wants to borrow $200 for six months. The loan officer asks what kind of collateral he has. The man replies, “I have a Rolls Royce. Here are the keys. Keep it until the loan is paid off.”
Six months later the man returns to the bank, repays the $200 plus $10 interest and takes back his Rolls. The loan officer says, “Sir, if I may ask, why would a man who drives a Rolls Royce need to borrow $200?”
The man replies, “I had to go to Europe for six months, and where else could I store a Rolls that long for $10?”
• How many of you talk to inanimate objects around your house? Like:
– How would your refrigerator answer you after opening it several times with in a 15 minute time? “Sorry! Nothing miraculous appeared since you last checked two minutes ago!”
– Your cell phone: “Hey lady, it’s 3 a.m. and I’d like to go to sleep!
– Your Wi-Fi, after repeated attempts to connect says: “Hey you, I’m doing the best I can! You should know what to do!”
Now for two more funny favorites:
• A man is telling his friend that when his wife asked me to pass her lipstick, I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me!
• Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and asks, “Does this taste funny to you?” (OK, pathetic!)
• An old golfer is complaining to his best golfing friend in another state. “Wow, George, we had a power outage at our house this morning and my PC, laptop, TV, DVD, and new music system were all shut down. Then I discovered that my mobile phone battery was dead, and to top it all off, it was pouring rain so I couldn’t play golf. I went into the kitchen to make coffee and then remembered that this also needs power. So, I sat and talked with my wife for a couple of hours. She seems like a very smart and nice person.”
(Yep, it happens all the time, wake up folks, pay attention!
A couple of puns and then I’ll close.
• My tennis opponent was not happy with my serve. She kept returning it!
• Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?
• Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It’s very time-consuming.
One more?
• Why did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing.
Be healthy, fit and happy even if you have to fake it! Aloha, a hui hou.
Shay Bintliff, MD, writes a weekly humor column for West Hawaii Today.
