Aloha all! Now, pour yourself a glass of your favorite Vitamin W and get ready to LOL! (Gotcha, didn’t I? ‘W’ stands for water! Yep!)
For the latest clown show, tune in to politics. I will have some real political goodies later, otherwise some of you may close your paper if you get upset with my ‘humor’.
Signs on the roadside near schools:
• Slow down or we’ll call your Mom.
• Warning: Children left after school pick-up time will be sold to the circus!
• Teacher fussing at a boy for cursing in class.The boy’s response: “But teacher! Our president does it all the time.”
More of those later…you just have to wait for the biggest LOL’s.
• Mother is driving a little girl to her friend’s house for a park play day. “Mommy,” the little girl asks, “How old are you?”
“Honey, you don’t ask a lady her age. It isn’t polite.”
“Ok,” says the little girl. “How much do you weigh?”
“Now really,” the mother responds. “You do not ask such personal things!”
Undaunted, the little girl then asks: “Why did you divorce Daddy?”
The Mom replies in a harsh voice: “That’s enough!” Mom walks away and the two friends begin to play in the park.
Soon, the girl says to her friend: “My Mom won’t tell me anything about herself.”
“Well,” the friend says. “All you have to do is look at her driver’s license. It’s like a report card. It has everything on it.”
Later that night the little girl says to her Mom: “I know how old you are.You’re 32.” The mother is about to respond when the girl says: “and you weigh 140 pounds.”
“How did you find that out?”
And the girl says with a smarty smile, “I know why you and Daddy divorced.”
“Really?” the mother asks. “Why?”
“Because you got an ‘F’ in sex!”
• Two nerdy male students meet on campus one day. One of them notices that the other is on a shiny new racing bike. He calls to the other: “Hey! Nice bike. Where did you get it?”
“Well,” replies the other chap, “I was walking to class the other day when this pretty young co-ed rides up on this bike. She jumps off and in a very sexy voice says to me: “Hey handsome, you can have anything you want!”
“Great choice,” says his friend. “She likely knew you were way too young to know anything about… you know!”
My favorite sign in a driver’s window: “I’m fat! So don’t park close! And you have a very nice day!”
And now for some Knock-Knocks.
• Knock-Knock. Who’s there? Cows go. Cows go who? Cows don’t go who, they go Moo!
• Knock-Knock. Dozen. Dozen who? Dozen anybody like me?
How many of you remember the favorite camp fire song. “Yankee doodle”
Here is a current version: “Trump Doodle came to D.C looking for money. Robber barons love him in the land of milk and honey.”
• And the latest and hilarious pun. Desserts and drinks all over punned into “Peach Mint.” This way all lawmakers can get a taste of the trend without leaving D.C. Oh yeah, enough? Be well, aloha, a hui hou.