Woke up this morning and first thing, I looked at my Bucket List. Number One on the list is: Keep breathing!! So, here I am mid- afternoon and I am still breathing, and trying to be funny and take care of all my community who benefit from laughter.
• A Sunday school teacher of preschoolers told her students she wanted them to have learned one fact about Jesus by the next Sunday. The following week she asked each child what he or she had learned. Susie said: “He was born in a manger.”
Bobby said: “He threw the money changers out of the temple.”
Johnny said: “He has a red pickup truck but doesn’t know how to drive it.”
Curious, the teacher asks: “And where did you learn that, Johnny?”
“From my Daddy,” he said. “We were driving down the highway yesterday and this red pickup truck pulled out in front of us and my Daddy yelled at him: ‘Jesus Christ! Why don’t you learn how to drive!’”
• You may be getting older when:
— Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you are barefoot!
— You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of the police.
— When your spouse says:”Lets go up stairs and make love and you answer: “Pick one…I can’t do both!”
…and da best…
— When “getting lucky” means you find your car in the parking lot!
• An elderly lady was driving down a muddy one-lane road, no room to pass on either side. She gets stuck in the mud and an angry driver behind her starts to lean on his horn. She tries her best to get moving, backing up a little, then going forward. She’s still stuck, and the guy behind her continues to lean on his horn. Finally, the woman gets out of her car and walks back to the angry driver. She says: “I appear to be stuck. I wonder if you could get behind the wheel of my car and try to get me out. I’ll stay here and lean on your horn.”
• A man walks up behind a gorgeous woman sitting at a bar. He says: “If you can’t guess who it is in three guesses, I’m going to kiss you.”
The woman says: “Jack Frost, Santa Claus and Christopher Columbus.”
• The V-Day is past but here is a funny one: After she woke up, the woman told her husband: “I just dreamed you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s Day. What do you think it means?”
“You’ll know tonight,” he said. That evening the husband came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it, only to find a book entitled: “The Meaning of Dreams.”
Time to close, my friends. Howze about a couple of Senior Games:
— Sag….You’re it!
— Pin the toupee on the bald guy.
— Spin the bottle of Mylanta…
— Red Rover, Red Rover…the nurse says bend over…
and the finale:
— A Fun Round of Musical Recliners
Have a wonderful, happy and healthy week. Aloha, a hui hou.
