Thursday, Sept. 29, 2022 |
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Things are too heavy, time to take it easy. Hope the paper is easy too, Dennis
You’ve heard of Murphy’s Law, if something can go wrong it will. There are similar laws that pop up along the way just to frustrate you.
First is the Finding Things Law.
That is, everything you think is lost is where it’s supposed to be. Lose the book you were reading, it’s by your chair where you left it. Can’t find the carton of milk, it’s hiding in the refrigerator. I have searched all around for my glasses while they were sitting on my head!
Next is the Law of the Screwdriver.
Whenever you need a Phillips-Head, all you can find are regular screwdrivers. But when you need a regular screwdriver, all you can find are Phillips-Heads.
Then there’s the Lost DVD Rule.
That’s where you get a flash about a certain DVD you want to watch. It has to be that one movie. You start rummaging through your collection of CDs, but no matter how many boxes of DVDs you claw through, you never find that one you want to watch.
You end up watching that second best one.
Then comes the Matching Sock Rule. This only applies to disorganized people like me. I always wear slippers, but sometimes have to put on shoes and socks, but somehow I can never find matching socks. It’s my closet’s fault, it jumbles them up. The shades of brown are always different. I solve this problem by sliding my pants down low enough to hide my different-colored socks.
But we all know the “take off your shoes dilemma.” When you visit friends on the mainland you automatically take your shoes off at the door, it’s ingrained in you. When you do your friends give you a strange look and make some funny remark.
They say it’s OK to wear shoes on in the house, but try as you might, you’re at the door and your shoes slip off every time. Finally, after a week of being the only barefooted person in the room you force yourself to wear shoes in the house. It’s barbaric, but you soon get used to stomping around the house in shoes. Just when you get used to it, it’s time to fly back to Hawaii.
There are a few more frustrating laws, like the Driving Law. That is, whenever you’re late to someplace and have to get there fast, you catch every red light on the road. Also, when you’re in a hurry your always some guy in front of you doing 25 mph.
But when you are free and just driving along, every light is green and there’s not a car in sight.
Then comes the Law of False Assumption, or the Nothing’s Really Wrong Law.
This is when you go to the refrigerator and the last piece of pie you were saving is gone and you swear your roommate ate it. He innocently walks in the door and you pounce on him about it and in mid-tantrum you look on a different shelf and there it is. You’d put it there and forgot. Big embarrassment.
This law gets the laughs on TV, when the jealous wife sees her husband sneaking around with her best friend. She thinks there’s something going on and starts freaking out at him about it. Just then the kitchen door opens and, surprise! It was her birthday party they were planning.
There is one law that’s sometimes hard to follow but it’s really needed these days. It’s called the Law of Forgiveness.
Follow it and it keeps the peace every time.
Dennis Gregory writes a bi-monthly column for West Hawaii Today and welcomes your comments at firstname.lastname@example.org.