“I hate the homeless, they should throw‘em all in jail!”
Harold T. Buckworth, senior accountant, grumbled about the beggars all the way to his home in Holualoa.
He stormed in the door, and threw down his briefcase. Bunni, his perfect blond wife, asked what was wrong, and he boomed how the homeless should all be arrested. He grumbled and sat down in his La-Z-Boy to sip his martini.
Harold and Bunni Buckworth lived in a fancy home in Holualoa, had two BMWs and a big swimming pool. They were living the good life.
Every day, he drove down Ali‘i Drive and pulled into his accounting job on Wailua Road. He did his accounting thing and drove home cursing the homeless.
Meanwhile, down by Honl’s Beach in Kona sat a bedraggled homeless guy called “Recycle Bob.” He was older, with a beard, and skinny from not eating. He’d once been a businessman but now made his living digging through trash cans.
One afternoon, Harold Buckworth stopped by the Royal Hawaiian Hotel for a few drinks. He had more than a few and stumbled to his silver BMW to drive home. He was blitzed out of his mind on mai tais.
At that moment, Recycle Bob was strolling down Ali‘i Drive with a black plastic bag of recycling over his shoulder.
A minute later, you guessed it, rich, drunken Harold slammed into Bob, who flew 10 feet in the air and landed in a crumpled mass on the ground.
What a scene! Crowds, cops, lookie-loos driving by. Harold Buckworth was soon in the back of a cop car, off to jail.
His wife, Bunni, bailed him out. He went home and had a martini to calm down.
He got a DUI and was in big trouble after hitting a homeless man. Turns out Recycle Bob recovered, sort of. He had broken ribs, a stubbed toe and one leg was shorter than the other, which made him walk in circles.
He had a good case, so lawyers hung around him like buzzards. Bob was feeling down, but perked right up when attorney Fred Quimby of Quimby &Quimby told him his accident was good for about $3 million.
He dreamed of driving up to the guys on Pawai Place in his new BMW.
The lawsuit ended in a Kona court with Judge Will Hangumm banging down his gavel, telling Harold and Bunni Buckworth they had to pay Bob $3 million.
“But we don’t have 3 million dollars!” Harold groaned. “ I guess you’re S.O.L.” beamed the judge.
Their net worth was about $2 million, but Recycle Bob let the rest slide if they threw in everything down to their socks. Bob was in homeless heaven as he strolled into his new Holualoa home. He dipped his toes in the pool, went to the bedroom and, just for fun, put on Harold’s best pants and sport coat.
Down by the beach, the homeless couple sat on a wall in their last set of clothes. In the distance they heard an old Dylan song playing on a radio,” The vagabond is standing in the clothes that you once wore.”
Blond Bunni mused, “I always liked that song.” Harold turned with a frown, “Bunni, my dear, will you please shut up.”
Dennis Gregory writes a bi-monthly column for West Hawaii Today and welcomes your comments at makewavess@yahoo.com
