The Bright Side: The Rest of the Story

March has long been hailed as “big fish month” in Kona, and indeed, there have been some very nice ones of late. Here is the catch report from the Kona charter fleet for the past couple of weeks — at least the ones we know of.

On March 20, Linda Sue weighed a 722 pounder and is now in the top gun position of the Big Fish List. Foxy Lady tagged a 500 pounder.

A few fish under 400 rose on the 21st — Hula Girl caught one about 450 but Sea Genie II would start the 22nd as the pole sitter after tagging a 600-pound blue.

On Friday March 22, Night Runner had the “encounter of the week,” when they swung and missed a few times at a marlin the experienced skipper and crew both said was the largest either have ever seen.

Huntress tagged two on the 22nd to top singles around the fleet. March 23 was a “big fish day.” Marlin Magic II tagged one over 500, another at 375, and also pulled hook on another 500 and one they called 650! Foxy Lady caught a youngster — a 492-pound blue.

Honey returned from an overnighter on March 24 with 12 big ahi.

March 25 saw Maverick tag one and set it free, calling it 500 pounds. Hooked Up tagged and blue and two stripeys that day, which sounded like a January report. Waiopai almost got their “Kona Slam” with a nice blue and a stripey, but when the spearfish they hooked came unhooked, that was all she wrote.

The next day, Waiopai got even with the billfish gods and caught, tagged and released a blue they called 650, telling it to come back during a tournament.

Northern Lights had the next “encounter of the week” on the 27th, while out holoho, whale watching and relaxing. According to the story posted on the new Facebook page Kona Marlin Report, their relaxation was shattered by a marlin that exceeded all the superlatives usually used such as “monster” or “biggest ever seen” and “giant.” You get the picture.

We aren’t talking first timers or novices here, either. These are veterans “to da max” to throw in just one more superlative.

Hooked Up tagged a 450 on March 29, and on March 30, Marlin Magic II was back in the news with two blues tagged, one about 275 and one they estimated to be 575.

No “granders” yet, but that is at least seven fish over 500 pounds in the last ten days or so. We urge everyone to post their catch reports on the Kona Marlin Report page of Facebook!

In The Bright Side, a few episodes back, community members outlined the long, torrid tale of their efforts to help create a comprehensive, multi-species Hunting Management Plan for the Big Island. It has been a 17-year process — so far.

We called the DLNR hunting liaison in Honolulu. She said it was inappropriate to release the current draft because it was not yet complete. She recommended calling local managers. Calls were placed but have not been returned.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “And now you know … the rest of the story.”

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You can tell a lot about a place by the volume of songs written about it. Hawaii and Texas appear to lean in to more songs than other locales. When is the last time you heard a song about Rhode Island?

Texas has more songs about cowboys, although Hawaii is not lacking in this department. But why cows? What is romantic about a cow? Cows are dumb, make rather large “cow pies” and stand around in them all day.

That may sound a bit coarse, but really, can you think of a romantic thing to say about a cow?

Marlin are romantic. They leap out of the cobalt sea glistening with majesty and fortitude. All day every day marlin go around bashing and spearing the lowly ones in the ocean, reminding all under the sea that they are one of the biggest and baddest beneath the waves.

Can you name one song about a marlin? There’s a million songs about cows and cowboys but try find a song about a marlin and a marlin fisherman. Okay, George Strait wrote one. That’s one in a row. One marlin to a million cows.

But why?

Cowboys work out of sight of the populace, so maybe cowboys were romanticized because they became famous for riding into town and wreaking havoc after a long trail ride.

That doesn’t explain why fishermen were not likewise romanticized. They work out of sight of the populace too. Anyone who used to hang out in Huggo’s in the ’80s would know that wreaking havoc in town was not exclusive to paniolo.

Kona fishermen back then did not ride horses in to town, though. Kona fishermen raced cars in to town!

To people who only know Kona as the land of out-of-sync traffic lights and gridlock, this must sound farfetched. Back in the ‘80s, however, there were no traffic lights, and there was no Kona Crawl.

Here’s how The Great Kona Rally would go down:

Once the boats were clean and put away, quite often the same two cars would run from the harbor, down Queen K highway towards Kailua. Occasionally, there might be three cars in the run, depending on whether Greg “The Codfather” Lima had hocked his ride, which was known to occur. When so sidelined, Lima proclaimed himself “Judge.”

The drivers would turn on to Palani from Queen K, where two lanes offered up space to jockey for the lead. Down the hill they gathered momentum, but speed had to be controlled once they passed the Light House.

At Kuakini and Alii drive, the racers would diverge, so it was important to have the lead. The front runner could choose the route and the follower had to take the other. It was a decision made in a split second by factoring in the wind, the time of day and the number of Hilo Hattie garbed senior citizens in the crosswalk heading to the Ranch House to save at happy hour. Alii Drive would be the go if kupuna were migrating.

If it was after 5 p.m., an akamai driver would look to see if 20 cars were all jam up, fighting for one of the six parking spots at Quinn’s. If so, the leader would choose Kuakini as his route.

One race stands out in the history of this era as being more legendary than all the others. Butch Kelly’s Land Shark was the first auto to pass Burger King. After eyeballing the conditions, he chose to turn to port at Kuakini. Quinn’s was also clear, so Fran O’Brien felt pretty good as he hurled his little MGB-GT down Alii drive. He was clipping along so well that only the quick reactions of a wireman executing a downshift kept him from launching into the ABC Store in the turn.

From the King Kam to Hualalai road he lost momentum, as the MGB-GT looked like an errant green pin ball bouncing from tourist to tourist. Fran started to worry. There was a lot on the line — the loser had to buy the winner whatever he wanted at Huggo’s.

Kuakini was empty and Kelley got The Land Shark to Hualalai Road in record time. A hard right and he was headed down to the intersection below the library at a full lope. Approaching the corner, he glanced toward Kona Inn. The MGB-GT was as close as he was. A mantra of the plaque he read daily while working on the Kona Seafari sprang to mind. The plaque said, “A Collision at Sea Can Ruin Your Entire Day,” so he gave the Land Shark some gas and took the left on two wheels. He couldn’t make the street so he took the Hale Halawai loading lane, and bounced off a plumeria. The impact was just enough to right the El Camino. Once back on all four, he started the sprint down the home stretch toward Huggo’s.

There was no Coconut Grove back in the ’80s, so the last run was deserted compared to what you see today. Butch had a nice lead.

Fishermen were already in Huggo’s. Anxious for news, they kept asking Tom Salisbury, who was seated at the Holiday Table by the window, “See ‘em yet?”

Tom had a standard answer: “Are you talking to ME?”

At long last, he pointed his glass down the road. “There’s Butch!” The gang crowded around.

Richard Petty had recently won Daytona because Donnie Alison and Cale Yarborough had crashed, and the Great Kona Rally was shaping up like that. Fran did not crash, but was forced to a complete stop to avoid one. This proved to be his ruin. A maid had stepped onto the street, lost behind a mountain of laundry, thinking she was still on Uncle Billy’s driveway. While stopped, Greg The Codfather Lima came running out of Kona Inn and jumped right into the convertible’s passenger seat. “Quick! Get me outta here!”

Fran threw his hands up in dismay at all this bad luck. “Really, Lima? Now?” He caught sight of Mailani Thompson emerging from the Kona Inn, waving what must have been Lima’s unpaid bill. Fran pulled behind the laundry out of sight, and hit the gas.

The rearview mirror reflected some of this to Butch, so he knew he was in the clear. Pulling in to Huggo’s, he dropped into low passing the kitchen gate where he sold fish. When he got to the parking lot he slammed on the brakes, turned the wheel hard left and slid sideways into Wick Barnett’s Volkswagen. Wick, asleep in the Bug wearing his birthday suit, rustled as if to get up. Butch twisted the screwdriver in the ignition to shut the motor down, hopped out and bowed toward the rowdy crowd.

Fran rolled in with the Codfather waving to the crowd as if he were in a parade. They parked and Fran tried to wake Wick when he passed the bug, to no avail. Once inside, he told his version of “the Rest of the Story.”

The Codfather took it all in and proclaimed in his thick Massachusetts accent, “Fran don’t have to buy Butch Petty a dahn thing. The rules clearly say you gotta wake up Wick.”

Fran looked at the Codfather quizzically, “But I couldn’t get him up either.”

“Ezzakly. That’s why it’s a draw. Salisbury, gimme that five bucks you owe me!”

“You talking to me?”

And from there, one might say was havoc was wreaked.

Yep. It’s a head scratcher why no one writes songs about fishermen.

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The Hawaii Big Game Fishing Club’s membership drive is back up and running. The Club was founded in 1914 and is the second oldest big game club in the USA.

This year marks the 105th year for the club, and in honor of that history, the first 105 memberships signed are receiving a commemorative cap with the vintage 1914 logo as part of their Aloha/Welcome package. Other items are a Club bumper sticker, membership card, an Eagle Claw hook tie or cap clasp and benefits such as reciprocity of entrance into other clubs.

The Club produces the Queen K 76 Rock n Reel tournament in June and is currently organizing some very exciting fundraisers featuring Grammy winning musicians. There are social memberships for those who like to participate, but aren’t interested in club administration.

THE HBGFC is closing in on the 105 membership goal, so join today.

For more info, visit hbgfc.org.