Bet you didn’t know this: The Marines just took “man” out of 19 job titles. Great news for transgender people. You can die for your country as long as you’re certified stable in your identified gender for 12 months! Now, how’s that for a rant?! OK, just one more … don’t send an e-mail if you can pick up a phone. An e-mail is forever! Enough dat stuffs. Let’s LOL …
A little “word play” … Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted! … A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything!” … A dyslexic man walks into a bra! … Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, “I’ve lost my electron.” The other says, “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive!”
The Washington Post Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the winners: CASHTRATION: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time! … INTAXICATION: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with! … REINTARNATION: Coming back to life as a hillbilly! … INOCULATTE: To take coffee intravenously when you are very late for work! … OSTEOPORNOSIS: A degenerate disease! … CATERPALLOR: The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you are eating. … And to end, the grand winner: GLIBIDO: All talk and no action! (and now I’m in trouble!)
OK, you retired folks out there, here are a few for you: Retirement is great if you are busy, rich and healthy. But then, under those conditions, work is great also! … The best time to start thinking about retirement is before your boss does! … Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it to the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money! … And the best: “When some people retire, it’s going to be mighty hard to be able to tell the difference.” (Yep, I’m retired, but I prefer the term “recap!” Get it?)
Now for some aphorisms: a short pointed sentence that emits/expresses a wise or clever observation or a general truth! … The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow! … Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail. … A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you are in deep water! … How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night? … Money can’t buy happiness, but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Cadillac than in a Chevy! … Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs! (OK, whatta you expect from the ER doctor?)
That’s it for today my friends. Hope you’ve enjoyed your therapy, and that you will share it with others. Be Well … be kind! Aloha … a hui hou.