WAIMEA — “Keeping the peace,” a phrase often used in reference to policemen, has taken on new meaning in North Hawaii. At schools throughout the region, children are trained as peer mediators through a program that originally started 15 years ago led by West Hawaii Mediation Center. And it’s making a big difference in how kids of all ages handle conflicts.
Since the inception of a pilot middle and high school program in late 2012, the Center has partnered with nine schools in Kohala, Waikoloa, Waimea, Honokaa and Kailua-Kona. Most have active peer mediation programs or are currently developing a program. WHMC also works with seven elementary schools.
During the 2015-2016 school year, 252 peer mediators were trained in grades K-12. The majority of the Center’s budget comes from grants and donations, supplemented by Department of Education funding.
“The program came out of a recognition that there was a lot going on with kids this age,” Zaheva Knowles said, WHMC’s executive director. “State of Hawaii did a youth health risk survey in partnership with the Center for Disease Control and what they found at that time was that fear, violence and increased levels of crises needed to be talked about in conflict resolution.”
As WHMC’s Youth Programs Coordinator, Robyn Skudlarek oversees staff and volunteers, and works directly with children at the elementary, middle and high schools, training them as mediators for their peers.
“We have a list of qualities we know tend to make good mediators, so the school tries to solicit nominations based on those qualities. They not only come from teachers and administrators but also from classmates, custodians and playground people who have a good understanding of who are leaders,” she said. “In an elementary or middle school program anywhere from 10-36 kids participate as peer mediators.”
In elementary school, conflicts are mostly related to playground issues such as a ball stolen, a rule broken or one student bothering another.
“If they see a conflict building, peer mediators work as partners and walk up to the students to ask if they would like their help. If they say yes, they take them through a five-minute or less process they’ve been trained to do to generate ideas from the disputants that they think can solve the problem,” Skudlarek said. “The meditators never tell them what they should do or what they think is the correct answer. If an agreement is reached, they write it up and give it to the project coordinator or principal.”
In middle school, conflicts escalate, often related to bigger issues such as gossip, rumors, and “icing” — a term students use for ignoring.
“Peer mediation is always voluntary and no adults are sitting at the table,” Skudlarek said. “This is student-driven and student-led so kids have a safe, defined place to deal with issues, where they can be heard and don’t have to fear punishment. But a mediation cannot take place unless there is an adult in an adjacent office if needed.”
High school issues include teasing or hassling, relationship issues between couples, personal property, differing ethnicities and cultures, and longtime family conflicts that have never been resolved — often generational ones specific to rural communities.
“Most people are never talked to directly about conflict unless it’s something like ‘fight back’ or ‘just walk away,’” Skudlarek said. “But it’s a natural part of life. Every human being will have conflict throughout their life and it’s about what do we do in response to it. In the schools, we’re trying to build a mass of people who believe in that and will help to disseminate it.”
Middle and high school peer mediators receive 12 hours of training, half of which focuses on the nature of conflict, how culture, economics and ethnicity impact conflict resolution, and how people respond to conflict. The other half is about protocol and procedures used as a mediator when leading a mediation.
“Peer mediators are also trained to stop the mediation when they hear about serious things related to violence, self-harm or heavy bullying for everyone’s safety,” Skudlarek said.
School counselors and principals are engaged in the process, and WHMC collaborates with the Department of Education on the program.
Kohala Middle School in Kapaau was the first in the region to work with WHMC, now starting their fourth year. The program is coordinated by school counselor Lauren Canton, who teaches a peer mediation/peaceful schools class three times a week for mediators.
Some students begin as peer mediators in elementary school and continue through middle school. Pilila’i Kaai started in 3rd grade and is now an eighth grader at KMS.
“The most common problem I see here is rumors; he said/she said stuff,” she remarked. “Mediation is a healthy way for me and my classmates to solve things. It’s opened my mind more and given me skills that I can use for the rest of my life. Being part of the program made me have to stand up and become a leader.”
Another KMS eighth grader, Sydney Wiernicki, has dealt with plenty of drama.
“People talk behind people’s backs. The other thing is teasing – things people maybe don’t really mean but other people don’t always take in a fun way,” she said. “Having the program has opened people’s eyes. I definitely see less problems at the school now. There’s always going to be drama but we (the mediators) can definitely help to minimize it.”
Molonai Emeliano, also an eighth-grader there, sees things from a different perspective as a peer mediator.
“I try and humble myself, and always try to talk things out first,” he said. “I’ve also learned about active listening. In order to lead others, you have to listen to them. As a result, I was asked to be part of the Hokupaa Youth Advisory Group — a leadership group.”
Knowles has definitely seen positive changes over the past three years.
“Our public schools face many challenges and obstacles, so what we really aim to do is just to support them in this process, helping them become more peaceful, more functional, happier places,” she said. “We want to show the kids you can come out of a conflict both winning. Watching the kids go through the process is so heartening. It shows us all what’s possible.”
WHMC also provides free and low-cost mediation and facilitation services in court-referred and self-referred cases. In addition, community members can be trained to address and resolve conflicts in everyday life. Info: 885-5525