Getting a quick look at way too many e-mails this morning, one of them just grabbed my attention: “Fat-Burning Chocolate Recipe.” Oh yes, that was a real “come-on.” So, if my column is a bit late it is because I am busy in the kitchen creating what sounds like a real scam! I’ll let you know next week if it is working. Now on to my business of the day … LOLs!
The real secret to good health is as follows: People in Japan consume less fat then Americans and have less heart disease. People in France drink a lot of red wine and have less heart disease than Americans. People in China drink almost no red wine and have less heart disease than Americans. Therefore, it doesn’t matter what you eat or drink. What kills you is speaking English! Another healthy one …
A woman’s therapist told her that the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what she starts. So far today, she said, I have finished two bags of chips and half a chocolate cake!
A man told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, “Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.” “Well, in plain English,” the doctor replied, “you’re just lazy!” “Okay,” said the man, “now give me the proper medical term so I can tell my wife!”
When a new dentist set up in town he quickly gained a reputation of being the “painless” dentist. However, a local little girl whose name was Veronica, disputed his claim. “He’s a fake!” Veronica told all her friends. “He’s not painless at all! When he stuck his finger in my mouth, I bit him, and he screamed like anyone else!” Out of the mouths … I love ‘em!
Two dogs wearing their best collars entered a bar. After ordering, they noticed that all the other dogs in the bar were not wearing collars. That’s when they knew they were in a “stray bar.” Now, you tell me what breed these two dogs were? Well, of course, they were chihuahuas. They ordered margaritas!
A mother is driving her little girl to her friend’s house for a play date. “Mommy,” asks the little girl, “how old are you?” “Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother replies, “It’s not polite!” “OK,” the little girl says, “how much do you weigh?” “Now really!” the mother says, “those are very personal questions!” Undaunted, the little girl asks, “Why did you and daddy get a divorce?” “Now, young lady, that’s enough questions!” The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play. “My mom won’t tell me anything about her,” the little girl says to her friend. “Well,” says the friend, “all you need to do is look at her driver’s license. It’s like a report card, it has everything on it!” Later that night the little girl says to her mother, “I know how old you are. You are 32!” The mother, very surprised says, “How did you find that out?” “I also know you weigh 130 pounds!” “How did you find that out?” And then the little girl says triumphantly, “I know why you and Daddy got a divorce!” “Oh really?” the mother asks, “Why?” “Because you got an ‘F’ in sex! Oh yea … dat’s enough of dat!
Have a wonderful week, my friends, LOL, LOL and share the LOLs! Aloha … a hui hou.