Aloha my friends … OK, let’s get the political stuff out of the way! A man is sitting in a surgeon’s office across the desk from him. The surgeon says, “This surgery could substantially extend your life, so you may want to wait to make your final decision until after the election!” Now, is that good advice or not?
“Today,” said the professor, “I will be lecturing about the kidneys, intestines, pancreas and the liver.” One medical student turns to his friend next to him and says,” Great, we have to sit through another organ recital again!”
Next is one familiar to all …A woman has waited for a very long time for her number to be called at the Dept. of Motor Vehicles in order to renew her driver’s license. As she approaches the window, the clerk asks how she could help the lady. She replies, “I need to get a haircut, can you save me my spot here?” The clerk says, “Why didn’t you get a haircut before you came here?” The lady responds in a rather sarcastic voice, “I didn’t need one before I got here!”
Three women (of course, all blondes) from Honokaa (of course, Portagee) were applying for the last available position on the Big Island Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, “So, you want to be cops, huh?” The blondes all nodded. So, the detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder. He opened it and took out a picture. “To be a detective, you must be able to notice things like distinguishing features and oddities like scars and so forth. So, he then stuck the photo in front of the first blonde and withdrew it in about two seconds. “Now, did you notice anything unusual about this man?” The blond immediately said, “Yes, he has only one eye!” The detective responds, “Of course, this is a side profile of his face! You are dismissed.” She leaves with head hung down. He the turns to the second blonde and repeats showing her the photo and asks the same question about unusual features. She says,” Yes, he has only one ear!” The man says again with amazement, “Didn’t you hear what I told the other lady? This is a profile, and of course, you can see only one ear. You are excused too!” So he repeats the procedure to the third blonde, and she looks at the photo and with certainty she responds, “This man wears contact lenses!” The detective looks at some papers in a folder and with a very puzzled expression says to the blonde, “You’re absolutely right! His bio says he wears contact lenses. Now, how did you know by looking at this picture?” The blonde rolls her eyes and says, “Well, Hellooooo, with only one eye and one ear, he certainly can’t wear glasses!”
The divorce court judge says, “Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully, and I have decided to give your wife $775 a week!” “That’s very fair, your honor,” the husband says, “And every now and then I’ll try to send her a few bucks!”
Two reasons why it’s so hard to solve a redneck murder: 1) The DNA all matches, and 2) There are no dental records! OK. now I am in deep … with my relatives! Doctor time!
A man is recovering from surgery. The surgical nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling. “I’m OK, but I didn’t like the four-letter word the doctor used in surgery,” he answered. “What did he say?” asked the nurse. “Oops!” OK, last one is local …
While shopping for vacation clothes, my friend and her husband passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least 10 years and 20 pounds since she had even considered buying a bathing suit, so she sought her husband’s advice. “What do you think?” she asked. “Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?” “Better get a bikini,” he replied, “You’d never get it all in one! Yep, he’s still in intensive care!
Dat’s it folks. Have a great week, be well, aloha … a hui hou.