Bet you all think I am going to “rant” about the Presidential debate. Nope, wrong! We’re beginning today with the business of today: A little girl named Suzy was standing on the sidewalk in front of her home with a basket by her feet. In her hand was a sign: “Free Kittens!” Suddenly a black limo stops by the curb and a tall grinning man gets out. “Hi there, little girl. I’m Donald Trump. What do you have in that basket?” he asked. “Cute little kittens!” little Suzy replied. “How old are they?” Trump asks. Suzy replies, “They’re so young their eyes aren’t even open yet.” “And what kind of kittens are they?” “Republicans,” answered Suzy with a smile. Trump naturally was delighted. He returned to his limo and called his PR chief and told him about the little girl and the kittens. Recognizing the perfect photo-op, the two men agreed that Trump should return the next day with the full media! So, the next day Suzy was standing on the sidewalk with her basket and sign: “Free Kittens!” Suddenly another motorcade pulled up, followed by vans from ABC, CBS, NBC, FOX and CNN. After cameras and audio equipment were set up, Trump walked over to Suzy. “Hello again,” he said. “I’d love it if you would tell all my friends out there what kind of kittens you’re giving away.” “Yes sir,” Suzy said, “They’re Democrats!” Taken by surprise, Trump stammered, “But … but yesterday, you said they were Republicans!” Little Suzy smiled and said, “I know, but today, they have their eyes open!” …no better rant!
A man was going bald and told his friends he was going to get a rabbit tattooed on his head as it was a lot cheaper than an implant or a toupee. His friends asked how getting a rabbit tattooed his head would help? The man replied, “Well, from a distance it will look like hare!”
A nice man decided to send his wife some flowers for their anniversary. Knowing he was a somewhat difficult husband, he wanted his wife to know how much he appreciated her tolerating him for the past 20 years. So he ordered flowers and told the florist to include a card that read: “Thanks for putting with me for so long!” So, when his wife got the delivery, she called him at work. “Just where do you think you’re going?” she asked curtly. “What do you mean?” he responded. She then read the card aloud as the florist had written it: “Thanks for putting up with me. So long!”
New research found that pigeons can be taught to read and write. Once the research was finished teaching the pigeon, the first thing it wrote was: “Get a life, man!”
A young man, far away from home and once again desperate for money, writes a letter to his parents. (Sounding familiar yet?) “Dear Mom and Dad, I could really use a couple hundred dollars. I hate that I have to ask you. It makes me feel small, like I am a failure. I know this has been going on too long, and I feel ashamed about it. Please forgive me! Your loving son, Howard. P.S. After I mailed this at the corner box I felt so bad about it that I chased the mailman, trying to get it back, I prayed I could retrieve it so I could tear it up. But, it was too late.! A week later, Howard gets a letter from his father: Dear Son: Looks like your prayers were answered: “No letter showed up!”
OK folks, I’m going to close with a real “wake up joke!” My friend was sitting on a park bench next to a homeless man. He started a conversation by asking him how he ended up this way. The man said, “Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool and the library! I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt! I even had full medical coverage!” My friend felt so sorry for him that he asked, “So, what happened? Drugs, alcohol, divorce?” “Oh no, nothing like that,” he said. “I got out of prison!”
I think that’s about it for the day, my friends. Remember to follow the masses! … sometimes the “M” is silent! Aloha, a hui hou.