As you read this column today I am celebrating! But, Doc, the results are not official yet! Oh yes, I know, but what I am truly celebrating is taking off my hip boots! Yep, there has been so much ———— being thrown by the politicians, I had to keep them on for way too long. Now, if you don’t know about this, find a Texan and ask him or her! As for election results … I plead the 5th! Now, for some LOLs …
Hope this one will “pass” the editor ‘cause it is so funny! An attractive blond Irish woman arrived at the casino. She obviously had been drinking, and she first bet $20,000 on a single roll. She said to the dealer, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I am cloth-less!” With that, she disrobed down to her birthday suit, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, “Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes! As the dice came to stop, she jumped up and down screaming, “Yes! I won! I won!” She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other, dumbfounded! One of them finally asked, “What did she roll?” The other answered, “I don’t know … I thought you were watching!” Now the moral of this story is: Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men!
Here’s a great “out-of-the-mouths” story: While on duty in the ER one afternoon, I was in the waiting room talking to a relative of a patient. A woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the check-in desk, the man sat there, alone and silent. Just as I was thinking about making small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his mother’s lap and walked over to the wheelchair. Placing his hand on the man’s, he said, “I know how you feel. My Mom makes me ride in the stroller too!” The man’s face gave forth a huge smile! One more ER?
One of our nurses in the ER was about to give a shot to a 4-year-old child. She entered the room, holding the syringe and needle in her hand. The 4-year-old started screaming, ” No, no, no!” “Lizzie,” scolded the child’s mother, “that’s not polite behavior! The nurse is helping you!” With that, the nurse approached the child, and Lizzie yelled even louder, “No, thank you! No, thank you!” Yep, kids are smart!
One of my nephews was coming home with his father and grandfather from a Cub Scout meeting when he innocently said to his Dad, “Hey Dad, I know babies come from mommies’ tummies, but how do they get there in the first place? After his Dad hemmed and hawed awhile, the young boy said, “You don’t have to make up something, Dad. It’s OK if you don’t know the answer!”
Last laugh, unless you have the election results already as you read the column: A young woman was sitting alone in a coffee shop when a stranger approached. He was young, good looking and a flirt. He chatted for a moment, waiting to be invited to sit when the young woman said, “Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?” The young man smirked, sat down and said, “Because we already have boyfriends!” The young lady grinned and replied, “Yes, I know, and you will have to vacate that chair as my partner girlfriend will be coming back from the restroom! Have a great day!”
OK, gang … dats it for the week! I will spend the rest of the day washing my hip boots and hopefully celebrating! Aloha … be well … be kind … a hui hou.