Believe it or not, I promised myself I would write this week’s column before the election results were out! Why? Well, because I wanted LOL to still mean Laugh Out Loud! One of my sons emailed me that otherwise LOL might mean “Leave Our Land!” Ouch! So, change can be inevitable, and it’s the laughter that’s optional!
You know I have to begin with some political jokes, so here goes: Politicians are all the same. They promise to build a bridge, even where there is no river! … Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponent will do it for you! … When I was a young girl, I was told that anybody could become president! I’m beginning to believe it! One last one? … Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I am one to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. Oh, dear!
Before I get too far away from the subject … Government philosophy: If it ain’t broke …. fix it ‘till it is! Nope, we’re still there! Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. Ouch!
A man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto his porch. The neighbor saw this and dialed 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him reign consciousness and asked if he knew what had happened to cause him to faint. The man responded, “It was enough to make anybody faint. My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower!”
Four people are in an airplane: the pilot, the smartest man in the world, the richest man in the world and a punk teenager. The plane starts to experience difficulty and the pilot announces that they might crash, but there are only three parachutes on the plane. The richest man grabs one and says his lawyers will sue everyone if he does not survive. The smartest man takes one because the world would be a worse place with out him. The pilot says to the teenager, “There’s only one parachute left, and I’ll fight you for it.” The punk teen says, “That won’t be necessary. The smartest man in the world took my backpack!”
I will end with a few of my favorites from Maxine: I don’t use my cellphone in the car. I have to keep my hands free for making gestures at all the crazy, clueless drivers! … The key to a nice-looking lawn is a good mower. I recommend one who is muscular and shirtless! … Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a margarita!” Couple more from da ole lady Maxine? … The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket! … Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have millions of old ladies running around with tattoos and pierced navels? … and da finale … Money can’t buy happiness, but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than a Kia!
So, my friends, no matter the results, look at the bright side … and if none for you, then after you grieve, decide to fight! For what? We must fight for what is right … working toward love in the form of equality and compassion. Celebrate our right to choose! Aloha … a hui hou.