Political? How can I resist? In his first 100 days, Trump says he will repeal Obamacare, cancel Obama’s executive orders on equal pay, health care, gun violence and more, and nominate a right-wing Supreme Court justice who will overturn Roe vs. Wade! Now do you need some Laughter Therapy?
Fixing your cat? If you come home like my friend did and find your cat had his tail removed from fighting, just take your cat to Walmart! They’re the best re-tailer! Yep, it will get better!
When my friend went back to the medical lab to have more blood drawn, she was greeted with a battery of questions from the technician.”Has your address changed?” asked the tech. “No,” my friend answered. “Your phone number?” asked the tech. “No,” my friend again responded. “What about your birthday?” Yep, my friend was so tempted to “you know what!”
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. “What are you doing?” She asked. “Hunting flies!” he responded. “Oh! Killing any?” she asked. “Yep, three males and two females,” he replied. Intrigued, she asked, “How can you tell them apart?” He responded, “Three were on a beer can and two were on the phone!” Out of the mouths?
When the mother returned from the grocery store, her small son pulled out the box of animal crackers he had begged for. Then he spread the animal-shaped crackers all over the kitchen counter. “What are you doing?” his mom asked. “The box says you can’t eat them if the seal is broken,” the boy explained. “I’m looking for the seal!”
And for those of you having a difficult time (and you know why), here’re a few expressions for high stress days: Make yourself at home. Clean my kitchen! … Not the brightest crayon in the box, are we now? … Don’t bother me, I’m living happily ever after! I’m trying to imagine you with a personality! … and the grand finale … I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
Johnny paid his way through college by being a waiter in a restaurant. “What’s the usual tip?” asked a customer. “Well,” said Johnny, “this is my first day, but the other guys said that if I got $5 out of you, I’d be doing great!” “Is that so?” growled the customer. “In that case, here’s $20!” “Thanks! I’ll put that in my college fund,” Johnny said. “By the way, what are you studying?” asked the customer. “Applied psychology!” … yep, young people can be quite bright!
Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asks a young engineer fresh out of MIT, “And what starting salary were you looking for?” The engineer replies, “In the range of $140,000-$150,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The interviewer says, “Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50 percent of salary, and a company car leased every two years … say a red Corvette?” The engineer sits straight up and says, “Wow, are you kidding?” And the interviewer replies, “Yeah, but you started it!”
Now my friends, time to close. But, interesting news on the Internet this morning. The following celebs have said they will leave the USA and move: Bryan Cranston, Amy Schemer, Barbra Streisand, Samuel Jackson and George Lopez, to mention a few. Oh, Cher, like Jon Stewart , says she will move to Jupiter! Be well …. hope you can smile at least twice a day … even if one is a fake! Aloha … a hui hou.