Hope you all had a very, very, happy Turkey Day, with all the trimmings. My favorite is cornbread stuffing, cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie. (Excuse me while I wipe saliva off my computer!) Best of all is the gathering of family and friends!
Now, can I possibly do this today without one mention of the ‘P-word’ … you all know better. So, let’s take a look at the temperature this winter at the North Pole … 36 degrees warmer! And ‘you know who’ and his Republicans don’t believe in climate change?! But, 200 other countries do believe we are headed to the slippery slope of a permanent decline! As the Scouts say: Be prepared! Gotta tell you just one last thing … There’s one sure way of telling when politicians aren’t telling the truth – their lips are moving! … and now let’s really LOL …
A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night. When it came time to pay, the skunk didn’t have a scent; the deer didn’t have a buck, so they put the meal on the duck’s bill!
Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in the city. One asked the other, “Did your son go back to college yet?” “Two days ago,” he replied. “Hmm … mine is a senior this year so it’s almost over. In May, he’ll be an engineer. What’s your boy going to be when he gets out of college?” The other responded, “At the rate he’s going, I’d say he’ll be about 30!” “No, I mean what’s he taking in college?” he asked. “He’s taking every penny I make!” the other responded. “Well, doesn’t he burn the midnight oil enough?” he asked. “He does’t get in early enough to burn the midnight oil!” he replied. “Well, has sending him to college done anything at all?” he asked. “Sure has!” he responded. “It’s totally cured his mother of bragging about him!”
There are three kinds of men in this world: some remain single and make wonder happen. Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen. The rest get married and wonder what happened! Ouch!
A young lady is talking to her best friend. “My boyfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are. But, I laugh more!”
A young lady goes in to see her doctor one morning.
“Someone decided to graffiti my house last night!” she raged in his office. “So why are you telling me?” the doctor asked. “I can’t understand the writing it is so bad”, she responded. “So, was it you?”
And one more about ‘my gang!’ … At a party of professionals, a doctor was having difficulty socializing. Everyone wanted to describe their symptoms and get an opinion about a diagnosis. The doctor turned to an attorney acquaintance and asked, “How do you handle people who want advice outside of the office?” “Simple”, answered the lawyer. “I send them a bill. That stops it!” The next day, the doctor, still feeling a bit reserved about what he had just finished doing, opened his mailbox to send out the bills. Much to his surprise, there sat a bill from the lawyer!
Now, be careful what you asked for! Carlos told his wife he wanted a guitar to play while sitting in the Jacuzzi. The next day she bought him an electric guitar!
One for our younger folks … “Hold on, I get a feeling I’ve been here before!” “Why do you say that?” “My phone automatically connected to the WiFi.”
Really bad credit? My credit is so bad, I received a credit card offer that was pre-declined!
This is close and personal … My childhood punishments have now become my adult goals: Going to bed early! Not leaving my house. Not going to a party! So, what did our parents do to kill boredom before the Internet? Well, I asked my 12 brothers and sisters and they didn’t know either.
Now, as you get older you’ve got to stay positive! For example, my friend fell down the stairs while we were out shopping. Instead of getting upset, she said, “Wow! That’s the fastest I’ve moved in months, and she was laughing!
As we close, I remind you all that life is short … smile while you still have teeth!
Dats it for the week my friends … do good deeds … give to the needy … and be kind to yourself! Aloha … a hui hou.