Aloha friends and it’s another jingle, jingle article. Are you ready? Is all your shopping and mailing done? Do you avoid the post office … even though you need more stamps and must mail that last package? Well, just remember … yep … my most favorite … “What happens under the mistletoe, stays under the mistletoe!”
Dad is bringing in the Christmas tree already in the tree stand, and the family dog turns to the family cat and says, “Guess who else is getting his own indoor bathroom?”
Santa is sitting in his sleigh and looks forward at all the reindeer, wondering why they stopped. One of the reindeer is lying on his side in the snow. Santa says with great disgust, “Oh great, a flat!”
My friend from snow country has a 4-year-old who was standing out as it was snowing. The mom was delighted when the kid said, “Happiness is catching snowflakes on your tongue!”
Christmas group therapy: A therapist is sitting with a group in therapy. First patient is Santa who says, “I don’t believe myself!” The second patient is a snowman who says to the group, “I not only think, I know I am bi-polar! The next patient is a reindeer who says, “All the other reminder laugh and call me names!” The therapist is straining to keep a straight face! One more from Santa?
Santa and the reindeer are all wrapped around several palm trees and the sleigh is turned upside down. Santa sternly says, “Rudolph, if I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times, no texting while you are driving the team!”
My friend is telling me about going to the mall to look for a special Christmas nightgown. She went to the “hot lingerie” store and found exactly what she wants. As she was waiting in line to pay, she notices a young, sexy woman holding the same nightgown. She tells me that this confirms what she had all along suspected, and this was that despite being over 50, she still had a very “with it” attitude. She proudly said to the 20-something woman behind her, “I see we have the same taste!” “Yes,” the woman replied, “I’m getting this for my grandmother for Christmas!” Yep … ouch! This next one if for all you exercise freaks …
One of my friends hates exercise. To her, getting up in the morning is a moving violation! The only exercise she gets is pushing her luck, stretching the truth and jumping to conclusions! Although, she has been known – but would never admit – that she has carried a grudge!
Back to the Christmas gifts … A man bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas. A friend of his said, “I thought she wanted one of those pretty 4-wheel drive vehicles.” “She did,” he replied, “but where in the world was I going to find a fake jeep?!” … and for those of you traveling this holiday …
A very nervous older lady says to the pilot, “I’ve never flown before! You will bring me down safely, won’t you?” The pilot replies and smiles, “All I can say ma’am is that I’ve never left anyone up there yet!”
OK, I can’t forget one from my career co-workers! Patient #1: “Why did you run away from the operating table?” Patient #2: “The nurse was repeatedly saying: ‘Don’t get nervous, don’t be afraid, be strong, this is a small operation only,’ things like that!” Patient #1: “So, what was wrong in that? Why were they so afraid?” Patient #2: “She was talking to the surgeon!” … and partners … let’s close…
The night before Christmas in Texas: Twas the night before Christmas in Texas, you know. Way out on the prairie without any snow. Not stockings but boots at the foot of my bed. For this is Texas … what more need be said!
Have a merry, merry one and see you next week! Be well … Aloha … a hui hou.