While I still have your attention … I do, don’t I? … ‘cause I know you are waiting for the first joke! And before I give you that one, I will plead with you to find the full script of Meryl Streep’s acceptance speech for her CBD Lifetime Achievement Award. Wow! Wow! Definitely worth your read. So now we laugh … and laugh and even LOL!
A woman who ran to the mall for a quick errand lost her purse, but an honest teenage boy returned it to her. The woman looked inside her purse and remarked, “That’s strange! Earlier, I know I had a $20 bill inside, but now it’s gone, and instead I see two fives and a ten.” “That’s right,” the boy explained. “The last time I found a lady’s purse she did not have any change for a reward!”
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a town he planned to visit on his holiday. It said: “I would very much like touring with my dog. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?” An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who wrote: “Sir, “I’ve been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I’ve never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I’ve never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk or disorderly. And I’ve never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you are welcome to stay here too!”
Tony was a pianist and was practicing late one night. There was a tap on his door and when he opened it his landlord was standing outside the door. The landlord asked, “Do you know there is a sick lady upstairs?” Tony answered, “No, I haven’t heard that song. Can you please hum it for me?!”
I’m not saying that the customer service at my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance, she leaned over and pushed me!
And now for the “pathetic winner” for today …. I tried being a tailor, mainly because it was a sew-sew job! Ouch!
And now for what I call “short laughs” … The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content! … I live in my own little world, but its OK. Everyone knows me here! … A sign in a Chinese pet store: “Buy one dog, get one flea!” … If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the “terminal?” … I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I had any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn’t have signed up in the first place!
One more goodie? Don’t argue with an idiot! People watching may not be able to tell the difference! … and the grand finale … An elderly gentleman had a serious hearing problem for a number of years. Finally he went to the doctor and was fitted with a set of hearing aides that allowed him to hear 100 percent. The elderly gentleman returned to the doctor in a month and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect! Your family must be really pleased you can hear again!” To which the gentleman replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will five times!” (Just a warning, folks!)
Aloha my friends … do good deeds … wear your helmets and then I’ll see you next week! A hui hou.