Aloha friends … I will speak to you from my alternative universe today. Surely this is not the same one as of a year ago! I gotta get this out of the way … the president who criticized Obama for playing golf on the job, played his first rounds on his first ($3million?) vacation, after two weeks on the job. OK, just one more … Is it really true that the president’s energy plan never mentioned solar? Time to LOL … LOL!
Farmer Kioki once lived on a quiet rural highway to Hilo but, as time went by, traffic slowly built up and his free-range chickens were being run over at a rate of 3-6 a week. So, he called the police who seemed unable to give him a solution. Finally he got them to OK him putting up a sign: Children At Play. That didn’t work, so he put up another one. The police contacted him and he reassured them that the new sign was working. One officer was curious so drove out to Farmer Kioki’s farm to view the sign. His jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign: Nudist Colony! Slow down and watch for chicks!
Little Phil asked his grandpa, “Do you mind if I play my harmonica in here?” “Of course not, Phil. I love music! In fact when your grandma and I were young, music saved my life!” “What happened?” asked little Phil. “Well, it was during the famous Johnstown flood. The dam broke, water hit our house knocking it right off its foundation. Grandma got on the dining room table and floated out to safety.” “How about you, Grandpa?” “Me? Well, I accompanied her on the piano!”
Couple of golfer jokes? Golfer to his caddie: “How do you like my game?” Caddie: “It’s very good, but personally I prefer golf!” And a bonus! There is this golfer who has been slicing off the tee at every hole. He finally gives up and asks his long-suffering caddie, “Can you see any obvious problems?” The caddie responds, “Well, there is a piece of s—- on the end of your club!” The golfer picks up his club and cleans the club face! The caddie then responds: “Uh … the other end!”
And from da kids … There was a teacher who was shouting at his class because they were being lazy. “I wouldn’t be surprised if 50 percent of you failed this math class!” One of the kids raises his hand, “But teacher, there aren’t that many in this class.”
A man walked into his sister’s kitchen and found his nephew having a snack. “Where’s your mother?” he asked. “Oh, she’s upstairs, and said she was going to take a shower. Hang on, let me check.” He stepped into the nearby bathroom and flushed the toilet. A second later a sharp yell came from upstairs! The young boy walked back out and said, “Yep, she’s in the shower!”
And one more from not-the-brightest-star … Hanging in the hallway at a high school were the basketball team pictures from past decades. A plate in the center of the front row in each picture held a basketball identifying the year: “92-93”, “93-94,” “94-95,” etc. One day the principal spotted a freshman looking curiously at the photos. Turning to the principal, he said, “Isn’t it strange how teams always lost by just one point?!”
And now to end are a few great “pick-up” lines but only if you are a gardener! … I love you sooooo mulch! … Your name must be “butternut” ‘cause you look gorgeous! … If you were a vegetable, you would be a cute-cumber! … and the grand finale … What’s you pH baby? Because I think we might be soil-mates!
That’s it gang …. have a great week and keep the faith in America. Aloha … a hui hou.