Aloha to the month of March 2017. Whew, where does the time go so quickly? So, before another minute gets away, it is time for some LOLs! I will start with a great one from a man friend. Of course, the title of all these is “Men Are Just Happier!”
Ready … set … go: Your last name stays the same! … The garage is all yours. … Wedding plans take care of themselves! … Chocolate is just another snack. … You can year a white T-shirt to the water park. You can wear no shirt to the water park! … Car mechanics tell you the truth. … Wedding dress, $5,000. Tux rental, $100. … A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. … Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack! … You can donor nails with a pocket knife. … You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache … and the grand finale … People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them! (OK, ladies … Your turn next week!)
Now some wisdom from a retired person: We don’t make plans for the day because the word “premeditated” gets thrown around the courtroom. … I didn’t make it to the gym today. That’s 1,500 days in a row! … I decided to change calling the bathroom “The John” and renamed it “The Jim.” I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning. … And lastly, you know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone you’ve just met? That’s common sense leaving your body!
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. As her dad donned his tuxedo she warned, “Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that suit!” “And why not, darling one?” he asked. “You know that it always gives you a bad headache the next morning!” (Oh, kids are sooooo smart!) One more?
Little Mikey and his family were having Sunday dinner at his grandmother’s house. After he got his plate, the mother said to him, “Wait Mike! We say our prayer!” He replied, “We don’t need to!” “The mother relied, “Of course, we always say a prayer before eating at home!” “Well, that’s at our house, but this is grandma’s house and she knows how to cook!”
An older couple were asking for a room with a king, queen or double bed. The clerk apologized and said that the only room available had twin beds. The man, disappointed, remarked, “I don’t know. We’ve been sharing the same bed for 44 years!” “Could you possibly put them very close together?” the wife asked. Someone nearby commented, “How romantic!” Then the woman finished her request with, “Because if he snores, as always, I want him close enough to be able to swat or elbow him!” … and time to close … whew!
To the irritation of the judge, a man was trying to be excused from jury duty. “Tell me,” began the judge, “is there any good reason why you cannot serve as a juror in this trial?” The man responded, “I don’t want to be away from my job that long.” “Can’t they do without you at work?” demanded the judge. “Yes,” admitted the juror, “but I don’t want them to realize it!”
Be kind … do good deeds … live aloha. See ya next week!