OK, my friends, I’ve got my doctor’s name tag on and stethoscope in hand to help you understand my beginning today! Recent statistics report that there is a 14 percent increase in deaths from vehicle crashes. Duh, you know the answer … soaring use of apps among drivers! So, a very creative police officer had his scientific brother design a textalayzer. It works similar to the breathalyzer … proof! Write that idiot a ticket or just arrest them, depending on the severity of the texting!
Mom is taking her daughter for an outing and while driving, the daughter asks, “Mom, how old are you?” The mother responds that that is not a proper question to ask a woman. Then the child asks, “Mom, how much do you weigh?” Mother gives the same answer! Finally, the daughter asks, “Mom, why did you get divorced?” The mother, a bit disturbed, says, “OK, that’s enough!” So when they get to her friend’s house, the daughter complains that her mother won’t tell her anything about her age or weight. So her friend says, “That’s easy. Just look at her driver’s license!” When they get back home, the kid sneaks a look at her mother’s license. She then, grinning ear to ear, says, “Mom, I know you are 38 and weigh 142 pounds, and I also know why you got divorced.” The mother, of course wants to know how she got this information. “Well, I looked at your driver’s license, and it shows your age and weight, and also that you got an “F” in sex! (Best we move on quickly!)
Don’t you love what some t-shirts have printed on them? Here are a few from a t-shirt contest: I Child Proofed My House, But They Still Get In! … At My Age, “Getting Lucky” Means Finding My Car In The Parking Lot! … My Reality Check Just Bounced! … and the best … I’m Not A Snob, I’m Just Better Than You!
At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding to some friends her idea of the perfect mate. She said, “The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical, tell jokes, sing, entertain … oh, and stay home at night!” An older woman in the room overheard the young lady and spoke up, “Honey, if that’s all you want, get a TV!” Yep, da wise ole woman!
And one for my Honokaa friends: Two _______ are sitting on a bench and one says to the other, “Eh brah, which you tink is mo far, Florida or da moon?” The other turns and says, “Brah, no act so dumb. Since wen you can see Florida from heah?”
Now to close … one of the current most amusing (LOL…LOL…) features of the White House is the way their bumbling efforts to stop leaks are all promptly leaked. We need a political plumber!
Remember, my friends, life is short, so break some rules. Forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably and pay it forward! Aloha … a hui hou.