Let’s start with some nonsense! How do you spell political nonsense? Yep, for Republican or Democratic the answer is B.S.! The Brookings Institute says 15 million will loose coverage over the next 10 years. Republican leadership (is that an oxymoron?) says no one will lose coverage under the “new ACA!” Congressional Bridge Office (nonpartisan) estimated 24 million would lose coverage within a decade, while reducing taxes for the rich and saving the treasury billions in subsidies. Enough bad news? Only LOLs … and more LOLs!
Why do sperm cells look like commas and apostrophes?? They often interrupt periods and lead to contractions. (You know I love my medical jokes!) … I’ll never date an apostrophe again. He was soooooo possessive! … Past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense! … You can’t run through a campsite. You can only ran, since it’s past tents. OK, enough of this grammar stuff!
A retired, older couple returned to a Mercedes dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they had been interested in to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde in a mini skirt and halter top. The old man was visibly upset! He spoke to the salesman sharply, “Young man, I thought you said you would hold that car until we raised the $55,000 asking price! Yet, I just overheard you closed the deal for $45,000 to the lovely young lady there. And if I remember right, you had insisted there was no way you could discount this model.” The salesman took a deep breath, cleared his throat and reached for a large glass of water. “Well, what can I really tell you? She had the cash ready, didn’t need any financial help, and sir, just look at her! How could I resist?” replied the grinning salesman sheepishly. Just then the young woman approached the senior couple and gave the car keys to the old man. “There you go,” she said. “I told you I could get that idiot to lower the price! See you later, Dad!” Now, my friends, you know you just don’t mess with we seniors!
A mom’s cooking had always been the target of family jokes. One evening, as she prepared dinner, the kitchen filled with smoke and the smoke alarm went off. Although both her children had received fire-safety training at school, they did not respond. Annoyed, she stormed through the house in search of them. She found them in the bathroom, washing their hands. Over the loud buzzing of the smoke alarm, she asked them to identify that sound. “It’s the smoke detector,” they replied in unison. “Do you know what that sound mean?” she demanded. “Sure, Mom,” the oldest replied. “Dinner is ready!”
One from my favorite “Little Johnny” jokes … Johnny: “Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?” Teacher: “Johnny, may I go to the bathroom?” Little Johnny: “Okay, but I asked first!”
One more from the kids? The teacher was describing the dolphin and its habit. “And children,” she said impressively, “a single dolphin will have two thousand offspring!” “Goodness!” gasped a little girl in the back row. “And how about the married ones?” … One more for all you on a diet …
A friend asked me, “So, how’s the diet going?” “Not so good,” I replied. “I had eggs for breakfast!” “Scrambled?” she asked. “Nope!” I replied. “Chocolate!”
Aloha friends, Be well … LOL … LOL … Do good deeds … Clean your roads and neighborhood … A hui hou.