How many company sponsors does it take to keep a TV show running on air? Ask Bill O’Reilly! By the time you read this week’s column we may know! Seems to be a reality that numerous settlements were paid to women over alleged sexual harassment or verbal abuse by O’Reilly. Follow Fox News! But now for some real LOLs … yep, get ready for some goodies!
My friend told me that his wife, Karen, and her friend were talking about their labor-saving devices as she pulled into their driveway. The friend said to Karen, “I love my new garage-door opener!” Karen replied, “I love mine too,” and honked the horn three times. That was the signal for my friend to go outside and open the garage!
A man had just stepped out of the shower, and thought he heard someone in his kitchen downstairs. Knowing that his wife was out, he grabbed his 1903 heirloom rifle, which he knew no longer worked. Then he crept downstairs, forgetting the fact that he was in his “birthday suit.” As he came around the corner with the gun raised, he found his wife loading the dishwasher. She exclaimed, “What are you doing?” He responded, “I thought I heard an intruder. I came down to scare him!” Scanning the contours of his naked body she mumbled, with a smirk, “You didn’t need the gun!”
Now for our very wise youngsters … A woman was a first-grade teacher and a new empty nester. One night she was trying out an art project making a person with simple materials. She took a coat hanger, attached a paper-plate face, put a shirt on the hanger and stuffed it. She then sat it on the couch to see how it looked. Soon that evening her son walked in the door, home for a surprise visit. Taking one look at the coat-hanger friend sitting on the couch, he said, “Mom, it’s not that bad, is it?”
Now for some shorty “one-liners” … How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb? Two! One to put it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end! … What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skunk? A smell that you will never forget! … A boxer went to a doctor for treatment of insomnia. “Have you tried counting sheep?” suggested the doctor. “It doesn’t work,” replied the boxer. “Whenever I get to nine, I stand up!” One more shorty? Two barbershops were in red-hot competition. One put up a sign advertising haircuts for $7. His competitor put one up that read, “We repair $7 haircuts!” I’ll close with one from da kids!
A 6-year-old boy called his mother from his friend Charlie’s house and confessed he had broken a lamp when he threw a football in their living room. “But Mom,” he said, brightening, “you don’t have to worry about buying another one. Charlie’s mother said it was irreplaceable!” Ouch!
Have a wonderful week … get ready to dye and hide those eggs. LOL … LOL … Aloha … a hui hou.