One of my neighbors has some really rascal children. While preparing to dye Easter eggs, his little boy put only red color in the pot. Well, of course all the dozens of eggs came out red! The very clever mother, now very used to such children’s misbehavior, replied, “Great, no Easter eggs, no Easter egg hunts. We’ll just save them and hang them on the Christmas tree!”
Now for a very big question for you folks: What’s the same about a tornado in Texas and a redneck divorce? Someone will loose a mobile home!
Here are some happy campers … A loaded van pulled into the only remaining campsite. Four children leaped from the vehicle and began feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tents. Two of them rushed to gather firewood, while the other two and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils. A nearby camper marveled to the youngster’s father, “Sir, that is some display of teamwork!” The father replied, “I have a system … no one goes to the bathroom until the camp is set up!”
It was baby mosquito’s first day to fly out from home. When the little mosquito came back home later that day, the father mosquito asked, “How was your journey?” The baby mosquito replied, “It went great! Everyone was clapping for me!” How about a “naughty one?”
A little boy went down the street with his mom. He saw a dollar bill on the ground and he asked if he could pick it up. His mom said, “Don’t pick things up from the ground!” Then the boy saw two $1 bills on the ground and asked again, “Can I pick the two dollars up?” Again the mom said, “Don’t pick things up from the ground!” The next step and the mother slipped on a banana peel and fell down. She asked, “Can you help me up?” The boy replied, “I was told not to pick things up from the ground!”
This next one is for all you “read a book freaks:” My books all piled on top of me. I’ve only got my shelf to blame! Now that gives pathetic new meaning! Yes?
Last week the local police station was broken into and the commode was stolen from the restroom. Yesterday the police reported to the newspapers that the investigation is ongoing, but they still have nothing to go on!
Here is a great one for when love fades … A man is sitting on the sofa watching TV when he hears his wife’s voice from the kitchen. She asks him, “What would you like for dinner, my love? Chicken, beef or lamb?” The husband replies, “Thank you, dear, I think I’ll have chicken.” The wife quickly replies, “You’re having soup, you idiot … I was talking to the cat!”
And my last LOL is dedicated to all you happily married men! After several coupled friends finished lunch together, the woman decided to go shopping. The guys opted to go sailing — a bad decision on their part as a storm blew in while they were out on the water. Making matters worse, the tide had gone out, grounding the boat. They had to climb overboard and shove it back into deep water. As one of them stood there, ankles deep in muck, muscles straining against the weight of the boat and rain pelting in his face, he grinned broadly and with unmistakable sincerity said, “Sure beats shopping!”
OK, I’ve got a quick holiday joke: The day before Easter, a woman remarked to her husband that with the children grown and away at college, this was the first year they had not dyed eggs and had an Easter egg hunt. “That’s all right, honey,” he said. “We can just hide each other’s vitamin pills!”
That’s it for today, my friends, and hope you had some good LOLs. Just wanted all you folks to know how great I am at multi-tasking! I can waste time, be unproductive and procrastinate all at once!