Aloha my friends! So let’s start with some “shorties” with which we can all identify: Yes officer, I did see the speed limit sign … I just didn’t see you! Now, that’s a “dare you!” … I changed all my passwords to “incorrect” so whenever I forget, it will tell me, “your password is incorrect!” … If “con” is the opposite of “pro,” then Congress is the opposite of “progress!” … Sometimes just getting out of bed ruins the whole day! … One more? Arguing with a woman is like reading the software license agreement. In the end, you ignore everything and click “I agree!”
Two women friends are talking over coffee and one starts laughing at herself. The other says, “What is so funny?” “Well, when you mentioned house cleaning, I remembered that yesterday I made a big mistake. I was wearing headphones while vacuuming. I had finished the whole house before realizing the vacuum wasn’t plugged in!” Duh!
It was close to 6 p.m. when a woman employed at the coin laundry was ready to leave for home. Her boss called her over and asked if she would mind dropping off someone’s laundry on her way home. The boss said, “It’s for my cousin who is eight months pregnant and can’t get out much anymore. The employee cheerfully agreed, drove to the address and knocked on the door. A little girl, the sister-to-be, answered the door. “Hi there,” the woman said with a big smile. “Is your mommy home?” Holding up the white bundle of clothes, she explained, “I have a delivery for her.” The child’s mouth dropped, her eyes went wide and she screamed, “Mom, come quick! It’s the stork!”
When a young man graduated from high school, he had to give a speech. He began reading from his prepared text. “I want to talk about my mother and the wonderful influence she has had on my life,” he told the audience. “She is a shinning example of parenthood, and I love her more than words could ever do justice.” At this point he seemed to struggle for words. After a pause, he looked up with a sly grin and said, “Sorry, but it’s really hard to read my mother’s handwriting!”
While attending a marriage seminar dealing with communication, Kimo and his wife, Lani, listened to the instructor. “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.” He then addressed the men, “Can you describe your wife’s favorite flower?” Kimo, smiling but looking a little nervous, leaned over, touched his wife’s arm gently and whispered, “It’s self-rising flour, right?”
Three kids are arguing about whose father is the fastest. One says, “My father is he fastest ‘cause he can overtake an arrow he shot with a bow.” The second kid says, “My father is even faster. He can shoot a gun and then run to catch the bullet before it hits anything.” The third kid says, “You two don’t really understand what speed is! My father is even quicker. He finishes work at 4:30 p.m., but he is back home by 3:45 p.m. almost every day!”
Yep, time to close, but I must share a couple of bumper stickers I saw the other day at an AARP meeting: When I was younger, all I wanted was a BMW! Now, I don’t care about the W … One more and we are pau: I asked my wife if old men wear boxers or briefs. She said, “Depends!”
Be well … Do kind deeds, and appreciate the gorgeous Jacaranda trees!