Today is a “maybe” day for me. And just what does that mean? Well, maybe the editor will let me slip this first one in. Here we go!
A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blond stewardess to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew’s refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen; mentioning in an arrogant manner that he was a lawyer and threatened what would happen to her if she let hem thaw out. Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin: “Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand?” Not one hand went up, so she took them home and fed her family! There are two lessons here for all you folks out there: 1) Lawyers aren’t as smart as they think they are, and 2) Blondes are not as dumb as people say!
Love this one! A friend of mine had driven us to the store which had a small parking lot. Someone drove up and started honking just as my friend started to back out, hoping she would get out faster. Well, she smiled, sat there for awhile, then got out and checked under the hood, then checked the gas cap, then about 15 minutes later, she got back in he car and moved out! (Careful if you try this!)
Can you remember … Going to bed early … not leaving my house … not going to a party? My childhood punishments have become my adult goals!
And a few for us “mature” adults: Don’t worry about getting older. You’re still going to do really dumb things, only slower! … Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth! … One of the best things about getting older: Knowing someone is an okole puka before they ever speak! One more? … What did our parents do before the Internet? I asked my 26 brothers and sisters and they didn’t know either.
Two factory workers were talking and the woman says, “I can make the boss give me the day off!” The male coworker replies, “And how would you do that?” The woman says, “Just wait and see!” She then hangs upside down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and exclaims, “What are you doing?” The woman replies, “I’m a light bulb!” The boss then says, “You’ve been working so much that you have gone crazy! I think you need to take the day off.” The male coworker starts to follow her and the boss says, “Where are you going?” The coworker says, “I’m going home too. I can’t work in the dark!”
A friend’s husband who is a big-time sports fan was watching a football game with their grandchildren. He had just turned 75 and feeling a little wistful. “You know,” he said to one of the grandsons, “it’s not easy getting old! I guess I’m in the fourth quarter now!” “Don’t worry, Grandpa,” the boy said cheerfully. “Maybe you’ll go into overtime!”
One from Little Johnny? “Johnny, where is your homework?” Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy, while holding out her hand. “My dog ate it,” was his solemn response. “Johnny, I have been a teacher for 20 years! Do you really expect me to believe that?” “It’s true, Miss Martin, I swear,” insisted Johnny. “I had to force him, but he ate it!”
I cannot resist a political one, and you will definitely laugh! “Dad, I want to become a politician,” said Kimo. His father asked, “And what are you doing to become one?” “Nothing, Dad,” he responded. “Good! You’re halfway there then!”
Mother’s Day is around the corner, my friends. When all else fails, they are there for us us! Do something really special!
Be well … Do good deeds … Love the land! Aloha, a hui hou.