In this day and age of world events, I have one suggestion: If you need a shoulder to cry on, just pull off on the side of the road!
In looking back in my family history, all in Texas, I found out that we were part Portuguese! Wow, now that opens the door for me to make great fun of my relatives, and comfortably use the word Portagees. So here goes!
Did you know that Adam was a Portagee? Who else would stand beside a naked woman in the Garden of Eden and eat an apple? … Why did the Portagee water only half of his lawn? He heard there was a 50 percent chance of rain that day! … The teacher asked little Maria to count to five. She smiled and proudly counted to five on her fingers. “Very good,” said the teacher. “Now, Maria can you count any higher than that?” Maria smiled and raised her hand over her head and counted to five again! OK, just one more, or I’m in deep trouble with family! … What do you find at the bottom of a bottle of Portagee soda? The words “Open Other End!”
Time for some smart young one jokes: I was at the library, and for some reason, when I plugged my flash drive into the computer, it didn’t show up. I kept trying, but nothing happened. As a doctor, I knew that I could figure this out. So, I spend 15 minutes changing settings and inserting and removing the flash drive. The young local girl sitting next to me tapped my shoulder and said, “You’re plugging into my computer, not yours! (If only I was computer literate!)
My friend Kimberly announced that she had started a diet to lose some pounds she had put on recently. “Good!” I exclaimed, “I am ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting buddies and help each other out! When I feel the urge to drive out and get a burger and fries, I’ll call you first!” “Great!” she replied, “I’ll ride with you!”
One more for the eatery: Two businessmen walk into a diner in Kohala. They decide to stop there for lunch. So, without ordering anything they sit down, take out sandwiches from their bags and begin to eat them. The waiter see this and says to them, “You can’t eat you own sandwiches in here!” So the men look at each other, shrug, and swap sandwiches!
And my last for the day, especially for you exercise freaks! A friend had resisted efforts to get one of his co-workers to run with him in a jogging group, until the man’s doctor told him he just had to exercise. Soon, he reluctantly joined his friend for their 5:30 a.m. jogs on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. After a month of running, his friend decided he might be hooked, especially when he boasted that he had discovered what “runner’s euphoria” was! “Runner’s euphoria,” he explained, “is what I feel at 5:30 a.m. on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays! … can any of you identify? One more?
Doctor: “I have your MRI results!” Patient: “Is my brain functioning normal?” Doctor: “No! Half of your brain is clogged with usernames and the other half is clogged with passwords!”
Hope you’ve had enough laughs for today! So, Da Portagee Doc gonna say “Aloha … be well! A hui hou.