Let’s get started with none other than a “make fun of our ‘leader’!” If you turn Donald Duck upside down, you’ll get the other Donald! I’m certain you all know this: the most efficient way to reduce gas emissions is by shutting up Congress. Lot’s of luck! So, while you are thinking about a way to do that, let’s have some real laughter!
A friend of mine works in a superstore. One day a sparrow flew in and perched itself on the ceiling. The manager wondered how to catch it. One employee suggested that they keep a computer terminal unoccupied, then they can catch it when it stops by to tweet. OK, they will only get better!
The judge reviews the divorce case very carefully and then issues a judgment. “Mr. Jones, I am going to give your wife $750 a month!” Mr. Jones replies, “That’s very nice of you, judge. And every once and awhile I will send her a little extra too!”
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up! After about 15 minutes, the older lady taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five times. When she is about to hand him another batch again, he asks the little old lady, “Why don’t you eat the peanuts yourself?” “Well,” she says, “we can’t chew them because we have no teeth!” The puzzled driver asks, “Why do you buy them then?” The old lady smirks and says, “We just love the chocolate around them!”
Best friends graduated from medical school at he same time and decided that in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel. Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Arnold was the proctologist. So they put up a sign reading: Dr. Smith and Dr. Arnold: Hysterias and Posteriors! The town council was livid and insisted they change it. So, the docs changed it to read: “Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.” This was also not acceptable, so they changed it again to read “Catatonics and High Colonics”! No go once again! Next they tried “Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives” Thumbs down again! So, they tried “Freaks and Cheeks” Still not acceptable. “Loons and Moons” Forget it! Finally at their wit’s end, the docs came up with: Dr. Smith and Dr. Arnold — specializing in odds and ends! Everybody loved it!
And to remind all of you of an old adage about “Old age and treachery beats youth and skill every time”: The rain had stopped and there was a big puddle in front of the bar just outside the American Legion Post. A rumpled old Navy chief was standing near the edge with a fishing line in the puddle. A curious young Marine fighter pilot came over to him and asked what he was doing. “Fishing,” the old master chief simply said. Poor old chief, the Marine officer thought to himself and invited the old Navy chief into the bar for a drink. As he felt he should start a conversation while they were sipping their spirits, the young jet pilot winked at another pilot and asked he chief, ”So, how many have you caught today?” “You’re number 14,” the old chief answered, taking another sip from his double shot of 12-year-old Scotch! “2 Air Force, 3 Navy and 9 Marines!”
I think you will have much “therapy” with these “Paraprosdokians!” Yep, Google the word! … Where there’s a will, I want to be in it! … The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it’s still on my list! … I didn’t say it was your fault, I just said I was blaming you! … You don’t need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice! … I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure! … You’re never too old to learn something stupid! … And the grand finale … Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy! … OK, one more … since light travels faster than sound, some people appear to be bright until you hear them speak!
OK, my friends, that is it for the week! Be happy and be a part of other people’s happiness. Aloha … a hui hou.