Aloha friends, welcome to the Dr. Patch Laughter column! Yep, that’s my new Dr. Patch Shay hat, and you will be amazed that it was indeed a gift from THE Dr. Patch Adams. I met Patch about 30 years ago at a medical conference in Boston, and we “hit it off immediately” as the old saying goes. He is an amazing, incredible, gifted human with a heart beyond imagination. He goes all over the world with his free medical clinics, mostly to very medically underserved areas. I have been able to attend only once but, oh wow, what an experience. I am blessed by his friendship and we continue to stay in touch. So that’s the new photo. Hope you like it!
Time for laughter and I will start with some “shorties.” Instructor: You would be a good dancer except for two things. Student: What are those two things? Instructor: Your feet! … The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age!
Not everyone enjoys singing ensembles. It’s an “a-choir-ed” taste! … My doctor said she has been practicing medicine for 30 years. What I want to know is when she will start doing it for real! (Yep, that is an oldie!)
My neighbor was complaining that every time John, his piano tuner, came to his house he scolded John for waiting too long between tunings. John agreed with him that it should be done every six months, but he just really didn’t think about it until the piano sounded off-key. So the tuner was a bit on the defensive. John then said, “If you would send out a postcard reminder like my dentist, then I would make sure to call you for an appointment in a timely manner.” Without hesitating, the piano tuner replied, “OK, from now on, when your dentist sends you a postcard, call me!”
Now for a great “Google” story! This is a “slow read” so just take your time and you will definitely laugh along the way! … A man on the phone: “Hello! Gordon’s pizza??” “No sir, it’s Google’s pizza!” “Oh, so I dialed the wrong number?” “No sir, Google bought it!” “OK, please take my order!” “Well, sir, do you want the usual?” “The usual? You know me?” “According to our caller ID, in the last 12 times, you ordered pizza with cheeses, sausage, thick crust!” “OK, that is fine!” “May I suggest to you this time ricotta, arugula with dry tomato?” “No, I hate vegetables!” “But your cholesterol is not good!” “How do you know?” “Through the subscribers guide, we have the results of your blood tests for the past seven years!” “Okay, but I do not want that pizza! I already take medicine!” “You have not taken the medicine regularly and four months ago you only purchased a box with 30 tablets at Drugsale Network!” “I bought more from another drugstore!” “It is not showing on your credit card!” “I paid in cash!” “But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your bank statement.” “I have another source of cash!” “That is not showing on your last tax form unless you got it from an undeclared income source!” “What the h—-? Enough, I’m sick of Google, Facebook, Twitter and WhatsApp. I’m moving to an island without internet, where there is no cell phone line and no one to spy on me!” Is this where we are really heading … that is not funny!
This one is probably more familiar: Wife: Whatcha doing? Husband: Nothing! Wife: You did that yesterday! Husband: I wasn’t finished!
A school teacher sends a note home with a student that reads, “Your son is an obedient and bright student, but spends way too much time talking to girls!” Mother sends a note back the following day. “Please advise a solution! His father has the same problem!” Ouch!
I love this next one and will close with it … A guy walks into a restaurant with a small dog. The waiter says, ”Sir, I’m very sorry, but we don’t allow dogs in here!” The man replies, ”But this isn’t just any dog …this dog can play the piano!” The waiter finally responds, “Well, if he can play that piano, you both can stay and have a meal on the house!” So the guy sits the dog on the piano stool, and the dog starts playing ragtime, Mozart, contemporary, and the waiter and patrons are enjoying the music! Suddenly a bigger dog runs in, grabs the small dog by the scruff of the neck, and drags him out! The waiter asks the guy, “What was that all about?” The guy says, “Oh, that was his mother! She wanted him to be a doctor!”
Enough for today, and for your daily laughs look in the mirror! Naughty, naughty … and I learned it all from Patch!