Happy day, my friends. There are only two words heard in the political arena these days: confusion or collusion! So, pick one for any issue and you will label the politician! Then you can “brand” him or her! Enough? Let’s laugh!
An older friend was in a store that sells sunglasses, only sunglasses. A clerk walked over to her and asked, “What brings you in today?” My friend looked at her and said, “I’m interested in buying a refrigerator.” The clerk was speechless! My friend thought about it for awhile and then asked herself: “Am I getting to be that age?” … and this next one is personal.
When people see a cat’s litter box they almost always say, “Oh, have you got a cat?” I love responding, “No, it’s for company!”
As a doctor I can tell you for a fact the older you get, the tougher it is to loose weight. This is because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends! Ouch! While we are laughing about something that will happen to us all (OK, it is aging!), have you ever noticed that the Roman numerals for 40 are XL?! One more?
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it! But I have friend who tells me to turn back my “odometers.” Not me! I want people to know “why” I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads were not paved! How about you?
Ready for the next ones? Who says there are no “blonde men jokes?” Try these on: A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts, ”Did you find the shampoo?” He answers,” Yes, but I’m not sure what to do. It’s for dry hair and I’ve just wet mine!” … A blonde man sees a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope: “Do Not Bend.” He spends the next two hours trying to figure out how to pick it up! … A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!” The doctor on the other end of the phone asks, “Is this her first child?” “No!” shouts the man. “This is her husband!” … An Italian tourist asks a blonde man at a Hawaiian scuba store, “Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?” To which the blonde man replies, “If they fell forward they’d still be on the boat!”
Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice! … When I get old I’m going to move in with my kids, hog the computer and TV, pay no bills, trash the house and when asked to clean, pitch a fit like it will kill me! … I really think that tossing and turning at night should be considered as exercise! … Many people reach an age where their train of thought often leaves the station without them!! Now do you feel older?
What kind of horse comes out only at night? A night-mare! … A police officer is talking to a driver he signaled over, “Your tail light is broken, your tires need changing and your bumper hangs halfway down!” The officer hands the man a ticket and says, “That will be $300 dollars!” The driver pauses and then says, “Alright sir, go ahead and do it. They want twice as much as that at the garage!”
I wish each of you a wonderful week. Aloha, a hui hou.