Here is what you need to know to start your day: The President is going on vacation. You know, for some R&R … Ranting and Re-Tweeting! So, before we leave this topic, what’s with all these leaks in the government? Easy fix … call a plumber or a urologist!
An elderly man in Florida owned a large farm with a pond on the back acre. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up with picnic tables, horseshoe courts and some nice fruit trees. One evening he decided to go down to the pond and just check it out. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave!” The old man frowned, “I didn’t come here to watch you ladies swim naked or to make you get out naked!” Holding the bucket up he said, “I’m here to feed the alligator!” (You know, some old men can still think very fast!)
Here is some real “food for thought!” … Lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that at my age, I don’t give a r——a— anymore! If walking is good for you, the postman would be immortal! … A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still very fat! … A rabbit runs, hops and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn’t run, does mostly nothing yet lives for 150 years! And they tell us to exercise? I don’t think so!
Now that my friends and I are older, we share the things we have discovered: We started out with nothing, and still have most of it! … My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran! … I just can’t remember being absent-minded! … Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded! … Some days you’re the dog, some days you’re the hydrant! … I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them! … Kids in the back seat cause accidents! Accidents in the back seat cause kids! … If God wanted me to touch my toes, he’d have put them on my knees! … It’s not hard to meet expenses, they’re everywhere! … and da grand finale: These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter. I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder, what am I here after?
And to close with one for all of us always on a diet: I had only salad for dinner. It was mostly croutons and tomatoes — really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce and cheese. Okay, fine, it was a pizza. I had a pizza for dinner. And of course with some vitamin W!
Be well, my friends. Do good deeds. Aloha, a hui hou.