Political? OK, just a couple. I read in a golf magazine: Trump! Keep him on the golf course! It’s safer for all of us! … One more? Let’s just hope that Trump’s bellicosity is all hot air and no balloon. Sorry, one more rant: HHS abruptly cut grants to 81 programs aimed at preventing teen pregnancy! Yep, just what the young need!
Now for some signs that are soooooo hilarious! … The fact that there’s a highway to hell and only a stairway to heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers! … So, when is this “Old enough to know better” supposed to kick in? … I’m not lazy. I just really enjoy doing nothing! … I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue all the time!
Now for some sound advice … Top five things not to say on a first date: 1) Mind if I Instagram you eating that salad? 2) After dinner, I know this great little tattoo place. 3) I had the craziest day, my colonoscopy took forever! 4) So, how many meds do you take? … and the final one … 5) I can’t wait to tweet about sleeping together! Oh my!
A woman was trying to decide what to do for a talent show she planned to enter. Trusting her husband to help her out, she asked, “For the talent show, what do you think I should do? Sing or put on a comedy act?” Glancing up from the book he was reading he dryly responded, “What’s the difference?” … and then the fight began!
A mom was playing “tooth fairy” and putting money under her little daughter’s pillow when the child awoke and caught her in the act. The mom froze, wondering how to explain to her tot that she was, in fact, the tooth fairy. But she was spared the trouble. “You put that money back!” her daughter said indignantly. “The tooth fairy left that for me!”
Tom to his Mom: “Mom, please tell me a story!” Mom: “Sorry honey, I don’t have any new stories to tell, but you should ask your Dad why he was late coming home last night. He will then tell you some amazing stories!”
OK, one more shorty … Susie to her friend Jane: “My husband is a great handyman. He can repair almost anything!” Jane responds: “My mother always taught me to beware of the man who can fix everything! You’ll never get anything new!”
And to end with a prayer: Dear God, if you want us to impeach Trump, give us a sign. Like, blot out the sun … Anytime in the next week. Thanks, All Americans.
Aloha my friends. Be on the alert, the kids are back in school! A hui hou.