You all know how I love to get politics jokes out of the way. So, the editor of a local newspaper, who happened to be a staunch Republican, fired one of the new political news writers. Why? The man handed in his first article and the title was, “Let’s all celebrate President Trump’s first 100 Daze.” Enough? Never. I’ll be back later.
Yes, we all are prisoners of our phones! That’s why they are called “cell phones!” The college professor decided to tell his students that the brain is an app. He figured it would encourage them to use it.
A farmer saw a donkey crossing the road. The cool thing was the donkey looked both ways before crossing! Smart ass!
When people say, “Stop living in the past,” my first thought is, “But the music was so much better then!” … And for we older ones: Remember when you could refer to your knees as right and left, instead of good and bad? Ah … the good times, eh?
A woman walks into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. “What are you doing?” she asks. “Hunting flies,“ he responds. “Oh,” she says, “have you killed any?” “Yep, three males and two females!” Intrigued, she asks, “How can you tell them apart?” He says, “Oh, three were on a beer can and two were on the phone!” … and then the fight began!
This is an “I dare you” experience: “Yes officer, I did see the speed limit sign. I just didn’t see you!”
This one I give you men as a caution: A woman is standing in front of her bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees, so she says to her husband who is watching TV, “I feel horrible. I look old, fat, ugly and wrinkled. I really need you to pay me a compliment!” The husband replies, “Honey, for your age, your eyesight is amazing. Darn near perfect!” You know, he never could have been ready for the fight that began!
Many of you commented about how funny some of the “signs” were, so here are a few more: In a restaurant window: “Don’t stand there and be hungry: come on in and get fed up!” … In the front yard of a funeral home: “Drive carefully. We’ll wait!” … In a Chicago radiator shop: “Best place in town to take a leak!”
And now for some “thoughts from the shower.” … If you attempt to rob a bank you won’t have any trouble with rent or food bills for the next 10 years, whether you are successful are not! … Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned? … Which letter is silent in the word “scent,” the s or the c? … Why is the letter w, in English, called double u?? Shouldn’t it be called double v? … The word “swims” upside-down is still “swims!” … one more? … If you replace “w” with “t” in “what, where and when,” you get the answer to each of them!
OK, I have one last really great one: A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it! Now you all know that senility has been a smooth transition for me!
Be well … Aloha, a hui hou.