OK friends, time for your therapy today! Let’s start in my favorite place away from home … A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre. After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied. “Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings! I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh!” Now my readers, listen carefully … See if you have DeGaulle to send this joke to a friend. I used it today because I figured I had nothing Toulouse!
Now for some free medical advice: A patient asked me one day if cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. When I responded, “the heart is only good for so many beats, so don’t waste them on exercise. Take a nap!” knowing that I was the joke teller, she then asked if she should reduce her alcohol intake. Again, with a serious face I said, “On no! Wine is made from fruit! Fruit is very good for you. Beer is made from grain. Grain is good for you, so ‘bottom up!’” Then for a question about fried foods being bad for you, I reminded her that foods can be fried in vegetable oil must be good. To the classic question about chocolate being bad for you, my response was, ‘Are you crazy? Hel-l0-o! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It is the best ‘feel-good’ food around!” Now, I was shocked at the next questions, “Is swimming good for your figure?” My response was naughty. “Well, if it is, explain the whale to me!” Lastly and the best she asked was, “Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?” I just could not control myself. ”Hey, round is a shape! And I hope all this has been helpful to you!”
A business professor asked his class one day, “Who can give me an example of a system where you are billed before you actually receive your goods?” A student quickly responded, “Tuition!”
Now for your favorite one liners!! The biggest lie I tell myself is: I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it! … Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet!! … I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off! … My people skills are just fine. It’s my tolerance to idiots that needs work! … I don’t have gray hair. I have “wisdom highlights.” I’m just very wise. … If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees!
And to close, this last one is just for you to print and paste all over your home: Life is short, break a few rules. Forgive quickly. Kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably … Pay it forward and never regret anything that made you smile! Life may not be the party we hope for, but while we’re here, we should dance! Aloha, a hui hou.