Happy Day, my friends and readers. Today all political jokes will be hidden. Sooooo, how many can you find?
First, I have to tell you that a pessimist is one who expects to find bad news in a fortune cookie! Also, I’m certain you know that an optimist laughs to forget, but a pessimist forgets to laugh! One more? Be careful of your thoughts, as they may break into words when you least expect it! (Now, who do you think of when reading that ‘truism?’)
A group was hanging out at the coffee shop when one lady responded to a question about the “afterlife.” She said, “I want to be a teddy bear in my next lifetime. Everybody loves them, nobody cares if they are fat and the older they get the more they are worth.” Another in the group shared, “I was talking to one of those ‘reduction salons,’ concerned that I couldn’t get into the gift my husband had given me. The attendant at the salon responded with encouragement, ‘Oh, don’t worry, we’ll have you in that dress in no time!” Responding to the attendant, she said, “I didn’t say it was a dress. It was a Porsche!”
A man walked up to the receptionist desk in a doctor’s office. The nurse at the desk asked him what he had. He responded, “Shingles.” The nurse asked for all his personal information and was filling out his chart. She did his height, weight and vital signs and put him in an exam room. A half hour later the doctor came in and asked if he was the man with shingles. The man replied, “Yes! I’ve got them out in my truck. Where do you want them?”
Here are a couple of free diet tips for all of you: Cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breakage causes the calories to leak out! … If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you will look thinner!
One more ‘medical-kine?’ A mother is ranting at her son, “When are you going to get married?” He responds, “As soon as I find the right woman! She needs to have (he taps his head, signifying brains); he then swishes his fingers signifying money) and then he cups his hands in front of him. The mom replies, “I can understand why you want a woman with brains and money, but why in the world would you want one with arthritis!”
A few more and we’re pau: A priest standing before an elderly couple says to the man, “And now, if you would like to repeat your vows. The man starts: “A-E-I-O-U!” … I actually got called pretty today! Well, actually the full statement was, “You’re pretty annoying” but I only focus on positive things! … I’m in therapy to learn how to deal with people who should be in therapy! … I think senility is going to be a fairly smooth transition for me!
OK, my friends. Hope you have had some good therapy today. Be well, smile lots every day and be kind. Aloha … a hui hou.