Aloha and sorry about missing last week, but if you really, really need a good laugh (without my column) just look in the mirror! Ouch!
My friend was telling me about how her husband was trying to embarrass her at a party. He was “carrying on” about all the stuff women carry in their purses. Instead of blushing, my friend said, “You’re right! There is too much stuff in my purse!” So, she removed his wallet, his cigarettes, his lighter and the car keys, and handed them all to him. When he asked what he was supposed to do with them, she smiled and said, “Get your own purse. I suggest brown to match your shoes!”
The next LOLs are from an AARP meeting: Q: Where can single men over the age of 70 find younger women who are interested in them? A: Try a bookstore, under fiction! … Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your over-70 year-old husband? A: Tell him you are pregnant. Then call the ambulance! … Q: How do you avoid that terrible curse of elderly wrinkles? A: Take off your glasses! … one more? … Q: Why should 70-plus year-olds use valet parking? A: Valets don’t forget where they parked your car!
A man was early to church and he sat next to an elderly woman who was saying a prayer. She said, “Dear Lord, these last few years have been very tough! You have taken my favorite actor — Paul Newman; my favorite actress — Elizabeth Taylor; my favorite singer — Andy Williams; my favorite author — Tom Clancy, and now my favorite comedian — Robin Williams. Just wanted you to know that my favorite politician is Donald Trump!
Surely you have heard this one: Politicians are like diapers. Both should be changed regularly and for the same reason! (Now I gotcha!)
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with nude women grabbing towels and running for cover! The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, “What’s the matter, haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?”
This last one to close is for we “seniors!” A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me $4,000 but it’s state of the art! It’s perfect!” “Really?” answered the neighbor. “What kind is it?” “12:30!” he replied.
Time to say “aloha” my friends. Have a great week … donate to the needy … pick up roadside trash (very carefully) … and be kind to all you meet! Aloha, hui hou.